True North: Finding your Inner Compass

This weekend I had an opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings with a group of like-minded people, and I suddenly came up with the phrase, “Now that the crisis has past, I feel as though I’m walking around without a compass.”

For many of us, whether it’s a moving out of a crisis or a behavior or a habit, when we are suddenly without the familiar, we feel lost – aimlessly wandering, searching for direction.  Often times, it creates a pandemic of procrastination, or worse: a reversion to old belief systems and habits.  But it doesn’t have to.  It’s precisely at these times that the Universe opens up to us and allows the opportunity to create something new.

So – how do we go about redirecting ourselves, finding our Inner Compass, and putting our feet solidly on the path to wellness and peace?  Well, it goes without saying that our old compass is broken, and to use it as a guide or a reference point would not be helpful.  The most important step here is to simply recognize, acknowledge and accept that first piece of the puzzle – our old compass is broken.

What is the old compass?  Is it habits? Beliefs? Behaviors? Feelings? Decisions?  It’s all of the above.  Our old compass, the one that helped us lose our way, is comprised of negative thought patterns and belief systems that have guided our decisions thus far.  We didn’t know they were negative – though sometimes we did – we just knew we were doing our best, and using our best knowledge and guidance at the time.  But what happens when the compass itself is broken?  When the arrow says it’s pointing North, but in fact can’t be relied upon to point in any specific direction at any time?  Well, hopefully at some point, we end up sitting down on a rock somewhere, looking around, and asking the question, “How did I get here?” 

For some of us, it’s “How did I get 40 pounds heavier than the last time I weighed myself?” For others, it’s “How did I go from drinking on the weekends, to needing to drink everyday?”  Those are concrete measurable examples.  For others still, it’s “How did I manage to get myself into this situation, that isn’t necessarily bad or wrong – but FEELS bad and wrong, even though nothing has changed to make it so?”  That’s a tough one.  They’re all difficult – but the blessing is that when you find yourself sitting on that rock, realizing that you’re not where you want to be (or thought you were), you have an opportunity.  You have the opportunity to change your situation – to go where you want to be, to be who you want to be, and to get there using the one thing that is never broken: your Inner Compass.

When we’ve become accustomed to using the outer compass provided to us by all of our thought patterns and belief systems, we slowly un-learn what it is to trust ourselves, and that which we know to be true.  We handicap ourselves, in a way.  We learn to rely on external stimuli, and tune out our internal guides.  It’s alright – we’ve all been there.  Some of us are still there, even after we have found our Inner Compass.  What we discover is that not only do we have to find our Inner Compass, but then we have to use it and re-apply it to all of the situations in our life, whether big or small, and that takes time.

So – how do we find our Inner Compass?  Well, we pause.  We sit in silence, and we ask for help as we begin to put down the pieces of the old compass.  Once we’ve freed up our hands and our minds to grab hold of that which we know to be pure and true, it starts working – and then it works exponentially.  It builds on itself, and we can’t help but follow where it leads.  With every right step, on our true path, we reinforce the wisdom and knowledge and belief in our True North.  We recognize that True North is different for everyone, because although it is one journey – there are always many paths.  And once we start to shed the beliefs and thought patterns that have led us astray, we find that we have created space in our lives to see more clearly our own true path.

True North is the space in which you will feel complete, whole and at peace.  Your Inner Compass will always guide you there, if you let it.  For now, it’s enough to recognize where you are and look around you.  It’s time to see what compass you have been using up until this point, and to pause long enough to put it down.  Only then will you have the space needed to find your Inner Compass.  Only then will you begin to discover your own guidance system, and be able to follow it.

In love and light,

Martina

What is love?...

Is love the absence of fear?  Is love the presence of understanding and compassion?  Is love quantifiable?  Is love the smallest flower petal in the universe, or is it possibly the universe itself?

I venture to say that love is everything – anything.  This past weekend, I witnessed love, at my best friend’s wedding.  It was right in front of me, staring me in the face – like a space of sunshine on a cloudy day.  Love was in the eyes of the groom as he looked, miraculously, at his bride.  Love was in the faces of the friends and family in attendance, as they witnessed the blessings and celebration of marriage.  Love was in the poems, readings and music that was shared throughout the ceremony.  And love most definitely was on the dance floor, surrounded by laughter, smiles and hugs…not to mention some really great dance moves!

But love was also evident in the flowers and bouquets – both in the care and time it took to create them, by the florist – but also in the time and care it took to create them by the universe.  Love was flowing in the water we drank, and the wine we shared.  Love was in the grass as we took pictures, and in the cool misty breeze of the afternoon.  There was even love in the nourishing food we ate and enjoyed throughout the weekend’s festivities.  It was, without doubt, a weekend full of love.

But that was to be expected.  Wasn’t it?  Have you ever been to a wedding where love wasn’t flowing, full force?  I have.  It’s a different feeling.  There’s still love, but it’s missing something.  So….I venture out on a limb and now say this weekend's experience was love – in its purest form.  Untainted by anything false or constructed..unfettered by ego.  It was love,but it was combined with gratitude and blessings.  This is the greatest love there is.  Love, without conditions, without qualifiers, without concerns.  But love filled with gratitude for everyone and everything around you.  It’s palpable.  When set in an environment of blessings, it can’t help but touch everyone present.

So, what is love?  Is it the absence of these concerns or conditions?  These difficult emotions, such as fear or wanting?  Or is it possible that love is defined not by the absence of something, but rather by the inclusion of gratitude and the blessings that creates?  Think about it.  When you say “I love you,” what are you really saying?  For years, I hesitated when my family said “I love you,” to me – I wasn’t sure why, I just did.  I’ve come to realize that, for me, it’s a phrase that means so much more than the three words imply.  When I say, “I love you,” I am saying that I am grateful for you, and that I am blessed by you.  This is a much deeper feeling than the word “love” can describe, and yet we don’t have another word for it.  So, what do I say?  I say nothing, or I say, “I love you, too.”

For me, it’s one of the most complicated emotions, and yet also the simplest.  Love is everywhere, in everything, accessible to anyone.  And yet, it is impossible to measure, define or quantify – because everybody experiences it differently.  We all know when we are in the presence of love, but we would probably all relate a different account of that experience.  Love, is therefore, subjective, malleable, and ever-changing.  So…what is love?  What is it for you?  Aren’t we all just looking for love?  Whether it’s love of ourselves or love from others?  So, how can we define it?  Should we even try?

I think love is the most precious gift one person can receive or experience, and I also think that love can never be contained, packaged or prescribed, because it is the most personal of emotions – and the most universal, all at once.  Sometimes, it’s just enough to know it exists, and when we witness it, to revel in it, accepting the many gifts it has to offer.  It may not be “all we need” – but without it, life wouldn’t be worth imagining.  And if that’s true….then I guess the answer to the question is: Love is Life.

In love and light,

Martina

Progress, not Perfection

This week, I heard a phrase that has been used for many years within the self-help/therapy/recovery world: “Progress, not Perfection.”  For some reason, even though I’m sure I’ve heard it before, it was as if I was hearing it for the first time, with new ears, and a new understanding of its meaning…..Progress, not Perfection, indeed.

I have certainly been guilty of expecting perfection. In some things, there’s just no gray area for me – until now.  If someone says they’ve quit smoking, for example, and they light up again – then they haven’t quit.  There’s no gray area.  So, to me it would seem that they are not holding up to the expectation of perfection that they or others have set for themselves.  By definition, there would be no other expectation, especially if they’ve made a promise to quit to someone else.  But here’s the thing….nothing is truly perfect.  No behavior, statement, action, decision, etc. can ever be 100% perfect.  And if something is perfect – then it’s usually perfect only for the person who is viewing it that way.  Why?  Because Perfection is entirely subjective. 

So, if the smoker, who wants to quit (and says they have) lights up again – it isn’t perfect.  But if that same smoker used to smoke a pack a day, and now only smokes a pack every two or three weeks – then it’s progress.  Progress, and practice, ultimately leads to individual perfection.  What do I mean by that?

Progress, and the steady commitment to progress, is, in itself, the definition of perfection.  Among other things, “Perfection” is defined as “the state or quality of being or becoming perfect.”  At the end of the day, perfection isn’t the ultimate goal; it can’t be.  If it were, everything thereafter wouldn’t be able to exist.  It’s more of a process by which we learn, grow, experience, and share ourselves with others, in order to (hopefully) offer them the same opportunities for peace, wellness and serenity.

It’s this process and the progress we make that allows us to ultimately say, “this is perfect, for me,” because we’re never truly out of our own perfect place.  We’re always where we’re meant to be, for what we need to learn and experience; and that, in itself, is perfect.

So….when we hold ourselves to an expectation of Perfection – we are destined to never achieve it.  But when we hold ourselves to the expectation of Progress, we are, in fact, perfect.

In love and light,

Martina

Emotional Debris

Hello from a lovely, bright and sunny Chicago!  I was traveling yesterday, so I am a bit late in sharing some thoughts/news/ideas with you.  This week, I have had a wonderful opportunity to really discuss my Coaching business and my goals, theories and passions associated with Coaching.  It has been such a gift to share my inspiration with you – thank you for letting me into your world.

During one of my many conversations, I used the phrase “emotional debris” – I’m not sure if I came up with that, or if I heard it somewhere else before…but I like it.  It’s not the same as emotional baggage, though it refers to the same junk that has the ability to weigh us down.  But it’s different.  Baggage somehow implies that you made a choice along the way to get some bags, and then slowly (or quickly) fill them up with every difficult, awful or traumatic thing you’ve experienced….so, that you could throw these bags on your back and carry them through life.  What?!?  Who would do that?  And by choice?

While we do make choices in our life that contribute to the emotional debris we have gathered; The only time we can really use the word “baggage,” is once we start on the path of health and wellness, and choose to hold on to things in the bags we carry.  Before our conscious awareness of what’s going on around and within us – there’s no way we made a conscious and deliberate choice to carry all that junk around.  And yet, it’s still there.  So….it’s emotional debris.

It’s the wreckage of the decisions we’ve made in life, when we were unaware.  As some would say, “when we were still sleeping.”  Sleepwalking through life can create a lot of emotional debris.  The difficulty (and work) comes in when we wake up and start to see and feel all the debris around us.  It’s positively overwhelming.  It would be like being Rip Van Winkle and suddenly waking up in the middle of your local garbage dump.  For some, they would be waking up at the entrance of the dump, or on the perimeter of the giant heap.  For others, they’re waking up in the middle of the giant heap – all the way on top, looking around them and seeing nothing but the debris.  Oh…it’s heartbreaking.  If only we hadn’t been asleep for so long….

So, here’s the thing.  If we were “asleep” or moving unconsciously through life, that’s ok.  Don’t beat yourself up about the past.  Pause. Reflect on it. Learn from it.  Then take a good look around you and assess where you are.  If you’re on the perimeter of the dump, great – it might be a shorter walk for you to move out of the area.  If you’re on top of the heap, it’s time to get to work.  No matter where you are when you wake up in the middle of your emotional debris and take stock, nothing is impossible.  The beauty of realizing that it’s “debris” and not “baggage” is that you can, and will, be able to move through it and walk away from it. 

You can tidy it up, categorize it, move it, sort out the recycling….in other words: you can CHANGE your situation.  The first step is to become aware.  Look up and see what’s around you.  The second step is to assess.  See if you can identify and categorize the debris – both the quantity and quality of it.  The third step is to take action for change.  Pause. Reflect on what you see, and make a plan to move forward out of the debris.  In the process, you will find that the debris may actually start moving away from you.  Perhaps the Earth is absorbing it for you – be grateful.  Perhaps you are getting some assistance from an outside source on dealing with the debris, and moving it out in batches.  No matter how you approach it – emotional debris is not permanent.  Just like we regularly clean our houses, our bodies and our environments….we also need to regularly clean our minds.

This week, take a moment to pause and reflect.  Perhaps in a quiet place, or while journaling or meditating – look around you, get in touch with your inner self, and allow your mind’s eye to see where you are.  See the local dump, and notice where you’re standing.  This is the biggest step in moving forward into health, happiness and success….Simply knowing where you are, and becoming aware of what’s around you.  Once you know this, you can take the necessary steps to change your situation.

In love and light,

Martina

Perspective……a new choice?

Today I found myself saying to someone: “If you’re looking for reasons as to why you can’t do something, or why you can’t be something….then you’ll always find them, and they’ll be true.  However, it is also true that if you’re looking for reasons why you CAN do something, and why you CAN be something….you’ll find them as well – and they’ll also be true.  So….which would you rather spend your time doing?”

I’ve worked pretty hard at taking the word “should” out of my vocabulary, and when I hear other people using it, I cringe every time.  It’s a shaming word.  There’s very little about it that is redeeming, if anything at all.  And the word “should” sort of encompasses both sides of the above statement.  You should do this or that, or you shouldn’t do this or that….either way – you’re right.  Should implies that the person using the word is always right, and always knows best.  Whether you’re saying it yourself, for your own benefit (or detriment), or whether you’re saying it to someone else for the same reasons, should is always shaming, and always implies its speaker as “right.”  Likewise, if someone is saying should to you – it implies that they know better, and they are also “right.”  So, how can everyone be right all the time, when everyone seems to be contradicting each other?  Well, they can’t.

It’s a matter of choice.  You can CHOOSE to listen to the should’s or you can CHOOSE to say, “don’t should on me!” to yourself or whomever is saying this little powerful word.  In the same way, you can choose to look for reasons why you CAN’T do something, and you will always be right – or you can choose to look for reasons why you CAN do something…and, again, you will always be right.  It comes down to choice.  And perspective.

I had a great conversation with an old friend yesterday, and I did my best to not say “should” – though I’m sure I wasn’t perfect.  But the conversation we had was affirming and validating.  It was also refreshing.  I was reminded of why I’ve chosen to be a Coach, and why I have done as much personal work as I have.  So, that I can have conversations like these, and hopefully help someone else along the way.  But the conversation had a big element of Perspective in it.  My friend had finally opened a door into inner serenity, and I was so happy for him.  So much, he said, was about perspective.  How you approach things, and being mindful of what is going on as you begin to see and acknowledge how you’ve done things all along.  It’s a new perspective.  We, of course, tossed that word around a lot – but today I felt much quieter with it.  Perspective shapes SO much of what we say and do, who we are, and what we feel.  And perspective, at its base, is driven by choice.  It’s such an amazing thing, but it’s true.

The old adages: “fake it ‘til you make it,” and “positive mental outlook” are adages, because they carry truth.  You may not be your authentic self when you’re “faking it” but the NEW perspective you will have from that position might just help creep you along into a better place.  It’s like having a GPS system in your head all the time.  Choosing your perspective means you will either look at the setting sun or the oncoming darkness.  Which do you prefer?  Or, better still, which has been conditioned into you over years, or decades?  And how do you feel about that?  Think about it – the simple act of a setting sun can bring about so many mixed emotions, ranging from fear (of the dark), to romance and love.  And it’s all in our perspective.  It’s all in our choice of what we’re looking at, or for.  It’s all in our decision to approach life, from the perspective, that we will always find what we need, and it will always be true – whether it’s negative or positive.  And it will always be self-reinforcing.

So, maybe it’s time to step aside, turn your head just a little, and see if you can see things from a different angle.  From a new Perspective, and with mindful decision to do so.  You might just find what you’re looking for, without knowing you were missing it.

In love and light,

Martina

Laughter

“Laughter is the best medicine.”  Recently, I was reminded of the importance of that proverb.  With everything going on in the world today, all the good news and bad news, and random news – it’s important that we all remember that this is only temporary, and to use another proverb: “this, too, shall pass.”

But what happens when we get so mired in our own stuff that we forget to laugh?  Or worse: we forget HOW to laugh?  Is it possible?  Can we really forget how to laugh?  Or, perhaps, is it simply that we feel it would be inappropriate to laugh, given everything that’s going on around us?  I think that the latter has more truth.

Why is it that we feel it’s not “ok” to laugh, when things are rough?  What do you do when someone starts laughing/giggling/smiling during a difficult situation? Do you judge them? Do you hold yourself higher, because you are capable of taking the situation seriously?  Or do you envy their ability to have some form of release?  Or do you simply think they’re rude?  It doesn’t really matter what you think, or how you judge another.  That’s a subject for another day.  What matters today is that you give yourself enough credit to pause and consider the questions I’ve just laid out before you. 

I laugh when things are funny, but I also tend to chuckle when things are inappropriate.  I also laugh at things that are not funny to others, but to me, make me giggle like a schoolgirl.  Recently, though – I have found myself feeling very serious, indeed.  Life got more serious (as if it wasn’t already)….and I began to take everything super-seriously.  In that process, I began to judge.  Not others, but myself.  And then, one evening, I laughed.  Nothing was incredibly funny, but the genuine banter between family and friends was enough to get me going.  And it felt SO good.  I was enjoying the sensation of smiling and laughing again, and I didn’t want to lose it.

So, the reminder came quickly: laugh, and remember.  Remember what it is to feel joy.  Not joy measured by money or success.  Not joy measured by the laughter and smiles of others in the room, because you said something witty, but pure joy bubbling up from your gut in the form of laughter, just because.  Laughter at anything, including, in the end: laughter at yourself, and how serious you’ve gotten.

Then tonight, I had the greatest laughter of all – the kind that I had to suppress instantly, because I was on a phone call – the kind that was a reflex, of sorts, to a cartoon I received.  And the reminder was overpowering.  I laughed, and I smiled.  And suddenly, I felt better.  My situation hadn’t changed – our economy didn’t suddenly rebound, wars didn’t stop – but I felt better.  And in feeling better, a small piece of me was able to shine.  From there I was able to reach out and share that light and brilliance with others, and (hopefully) help them shine, too.

And that’s how things change.  One smile, one light, one giggle at a time.  So….life is serious, and serious things are happening all around us.  But taking a moment to laugh, smile, giggle is sometimes all you need to feel just a little bit better.  I do.

In love and light,

Martina

What is SLC?

Since starting my blog, and talking about my new business with friends and family, I have been asked to share what Synthesis LifeCoaching (SLC) really means.  It's been incredibly helpful to me to have received all of your questions and feedback - because you have helped me to fine-tune what it's all about, and, more importantly, what value it can add to your lives. Thank you.

Synthesis LifeCoaching (SLC) uses the co-creative process of Coaching, to work together to unite Mind, Body and Spirit, to create a healthier, happier and more successful you.  We join forces, if you will, and explore everything - one issue at a time - to build a better, stronger, more complete version of yourself.  I like to think that we are actually just uncovering layers and layers of external junk, to get at the real "you" deep within.  Think of it as restoring an old painting, removing layers of debris and build-up, in order to reveal the breath-taking beauty that lies beneath.....and that was always there all along.  That's what SLC does.  By working together, using the model of the co-creative relationship, the results are lasting, and the change is more immediate and pronounced.  

How is this different from therapy?  The main difference between Coaching and Therapy or Counseling is the co-creative relationship.  Coaching doesn't explore the why's and how's of how you got where you are.  We accept that it's where you are, and we work together to find solutions to get you to where you want to be.  Working together is the key.  It's not one person's opinion or advice (in fact, it usually involves little or no advice)....but it's two people uniting to bring about meaningful and lasting change.  If you're ready for change in your life; if you have an issue that you have not been able to resolve.....Coaching is for you.

Now, what about the Mind, Body, Spirit (MBS) connection?  I could babble about scientific proof that it exists, and I could go the other route and talk about all the gurus and teachers that know of its existence, but can't objectively prove it.  Either way, it doesn't matter.  What matters is what you believe, today.  If you believe that there is no connection between the three....then you will live your life accordingly.  I've been there, I've done that.  And I'd venture a guess to say that the SLC approach isn't for you....at this point in time.

But if you have the smallest question in your mind that there may possibly be a correlation between all three, and the way you feel and act -- then join the rest of us who know, not from scientific data (though there is plenty) but from actual experience that the MBS connection is real.  When all three aspects of your Self are living in harmony, working together and creating a more perfect union - you know it!  Again, I've been there, done that.  I've glimpsed the bliss and inner peace that comes as a result of harmonizing and uniting Mind, Body and Spirit.  And I am currently working on finding a tried and true path to living in that space of harmony 24/7, that will work for everyone.  In the meantime, I know it exists, and I know I can help you find it, too.

We're all in this Earth School together - learning, co-creating and sharing our experiences, so that one day we will all be better for having lived it.  So, join forces with me, to Synthesize your Self into a more complete you - the way you were meant to be: happy, healthy and successful.  Together, we can work to remove the layers of build-up and reveal the beautiful you that lies beneath.

In love and light,

Martina