Strength

Strength is not courage nor is it the absence of fear. Rather, strength is a willingness to feel weak and still make the decision to move forward with integrity.

There is a softness about strength. It is not found within determination. Instead it is in the knowing that at any moment everything can change. The strongest are able to bend, flow and move with grace like webs on the wind. The weakest are the most fixed. Stable in appearance, but weakened by their lack of flexibility.

What does all this mean? It means that I am strong, because I know myself to be otherwise. I know that anything - everything - changes without warning, and that I can choose to bend or stand firm. My strength is found in my weaknesses: compassion, understanding, sympathy, empathy. Without them, I would be steel. With them, I am the co-creator of my life...allowing the wind to carry me, always knowing that I get to choose how long to make my web.

Today was a challenging day. Tonight was even more difficult. The morning began with a difficult conversation that tested my resolve to stand firm, and the evening ended with an emotional conversation that had me bending and swaying like a palm tree in a hurricane. In the morning, I chose to find strength by allowing more flexibility into a precious decision. In the evening, though my emotions were carrying me this way and that, I chose to find the strength that comes with expressing myself honestly and openly, by stating my needs and creating boundaries.

So, in the end -- what is strength?.... We know it when we see it in others, yet we rarely recognize it in ourselves. And therein lies the answer.

Peace.

Letting Go

Two nights ago I was channel surfing and I stumbled upon something I’ve never watched before. It was Joel Osteen’s program. At first I was going to keep switching, but something he said caught my attention. His sermon was on moving mountains, but the point at which I joined him he had just said something that stuck with me. So I listened. It wasn’t necessarily new to me. In fact, it’s similar to other ‘teachers’ I’ve read, and things I’ve taught clients of my own. But it was new words, and I liked them.

He said: “Let there be light,” as he was quoting from the Bible. But what he said afterward is what made all the difference. He went on to explain that the use of the word “let” implied that there was an opposing force already in existence. As an example, he said, “let go of my hand” implies that your hand is currently being held or restrained. Therefore, “let there be light,” means that there was darkness, through which light was needed. And instead of asking for light, God directed it to appear. As Joel said, he ‘commanded’ it. So, here’s the deal:

What if we used the word ‘Let’ more often in our lives – but with conscious thought? There’s a great Christmas song called “Let there be peace on earth.” A great idea indeed! But what if we invoked the power of that word for smaller, everyday things? Wouldn’t that, couldn’t that, collectively create peace on earth? Here are some of my suggestions, what would yours be?

Let me speak with love and grace today to everyone I meet.
Let compassion be my guiding star.
Let me choose healthy foods, just for today.
Let others share their light with the world.
Let acceptance be the driving force in interactions.
Let me share my experience and strength with others.
Let me be open to receiving the wisdom of others.
Let gratitude fill my every thought.
Let there be joy in my heart and a smile on my face.
Let me be myself, who I am, now and always.
And finally. . .
Let God.

The last one is quite possibly the most simple and the most powerful. There’s a saying many of you might be familiar with: “Let go and Let God.” Sometimes, it truly is that simple. We can pray for what we want or need, but without handing it over to God (the Universe, Divine Grace, etc.) we are not allowing our needs to be met. As with everything, it is a two-step process: 1) focusing thought, and 2) letting go. So, with my list above, I focused my thought and energy on things I think would make me, my community, my country and the earth a happier more peaceful place. But in the end, I’ve only taken the first step. The second step is to actually let those thoughts go. If you think of it this way: as long as you are holding on to the thought of what you want, you are not allowing the space for it to become reality. Do you see how that works?

If your hands and heart are full of the “idea” of something, there is no room for that something to become physically real.

Why? Because it’s trapped in the energy of being a thought, nothing more. It’s when we let go of the thought, that it finally has the opportunity to become reality. And God (the Universe, Divine Grace, etc.) has the opportunity to do their part by making it real, or better.

So, “let” is a powerful word indeed. But its true power is unleashed when we use it as it was intended: by invoking its power, and then allowing it the freedom and space to realize its potential. What would you ask for today? And are you willing to then let it go?

In Love and Light,
Martina

One word

This week I want to share something with you that I found particularly interesting. I have been reading Laura Munson’s book “This is Not the Story You Think It Is…” and toward the beginning (actually in the 2nd chapter) there is this amazing excerpt that Laura shares with us. Perhaps you’ve heard of it before. Indeed it’s fairly reminiscent of a through-line in ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ (perhaps both ladies read the same author – I don’t know). What I do know is I want to share it with you now, as well as Laura’s thoughts and words leading up to the excerpt. From Laura:

“And then I remember an excerpt from a book that has seen me through hard times before. It’s called The Cloud of Unknowing. In it, an anonymous fourteenth-century Christian mystic writer asks us to choose a word. One word. And to fasten it to our hearts. That word, working in us, will bring us through the hardest times. Or so the anonymous writer promises. In my life, that word has been many things. God, love, hope, truth, joy, grace, beauty, wonder, surrender, freedom. Right now it is more simple than any of those things. It is not a deity or a goal or a state of being. It’s an action verb. It is simply: breathe.”

And here is the excerpt:

“Take just a little word of one syllable rather than two . . . Such a one is the word God or the word love. Choose which you prefer . . . and fasten this word to your heart so that whatever happens it will never go away. This word is to be your shield and your spear, whether you are riding in peace or in war. With this word you are to beat upon the cloud and the darkness above and beneath you. With this word you are to strike down every kind of thought, driving it down into a pool of forgetting. If any thought should press upon you, asking what you would have, answer with no word but this one. If your thoughts should offer, out of their great learning to analyze your word for you and tell you its meanings, say to your thoughts that you want to keep it whole . . . It is not a matter of analyzing or elucidating . . . No one can truly think of God. It is therefore my wish to leave everything that I can think and choose for my love the thing that I cannot think. God can be loved but not thought. He can be taken and held by love, but not by thought.”

For me, this is one of the most poignant and simple things I’ve read in a while. I have to admit, I have not yet read ‘Eat, Pray, Love,” but I did see the movie, and I spent the following few days thinking of my word. And then I picked up Laura’s book (which is a must-read), and the same suggestion was laid before me to ponder. And I urgently thought, “What IS my word?” “Do I even have a word?” “Am I a failure if I can’t come up with a word? One word?” Geesh!

The problem was I couldn’t come up with just one. I had several, actually, that felt ‘right’ for me. So – how could I choose? Was it: faith, light, peace, authenticity, or truth? What was my word? You probably know from previous writings that I refer to God in many ways, as God encompasses so much for me. So, I tried “God” on for size – and I still felt like I couldn’t settle on one word. And yet the author was so clear. One word. One one-syllable word. That’s all. How was I going to do this? And then I realized something. It wasn’t about the ONE word. It was about the act of making a decision, and holding it. For me, what mattered more than the word was making a choice. And once I settled down, stepped away from my mind and allowed myself the room to choose - you know what happened? I chose Me. I’m not sure it gets simpler than that. Me.

Some of you may think that odd – but it’s the most authentic, loving, peaceful, happy, light and divine word I can come up with. By choosing “me” and fastening myself to my heart – I have chosen to step into my own power. I have chosen to honor who I am as an expression of something Divine. And I have chosen to feel the freedom that comes with making such a decision.

In the end, it became much simpler than I was making it. There are so many words I could have chosen along the way to help me through difficult times. But they would be transient words, ever-changing in the face of challenges. The one word that would never change is simply Me. And for that realization I can honestly say I am incredibly grateful. Thank you, Laura. Thank you, Liz. And thank you anonymous Christian mystic for prompting me to make the choice.

In love and light,
Martina

Faith and Belief

I recently had a conversation with a friend on Facebook that prompted my thinking about Faith and Belief. Although I was raised with a specific religion, and it influences who I am today, I don’t associate with it specifically. Instead, I have discovered the joy and purity of faith, regardless of religion. To have faith in something greater than yourself is one of the greatest gifts ever given. Why? Because it creates an awareness of possibility, and in possibility lies hope.

I remember when I was in college, my father taught me something very wise. And like so many other “young” people, I never appreciated the depth of his teaching until more recently. He said that it was in questioning our religion, all of it, that we were able to arrive at true faith. In other words, he didn’t believe that following something because you were told to was actually believing in it – but by questioning it, and raising your own awareness of it within your life and soul, you would arrive at a level of faith and belief that was pure and strong. Like I said, at the time, I didn’t get it – but I definitely know what he was talking about today.

For me, my faith is based in the knowledge – the true knowledge – that there is something greater at work in the Universe. That different religions and cultures give that “something” different names, but that, for me, in the end, it’s all the same. The differences are human-made. They are not Divinely-inspired. They were created in order to bring understanding to that which is not understandable, only knowable.

In this conversation with my friend, I shared my belief that faith is Divine like the soil under our feet; and religion is human, like fences placed in the soil to separate out the masses according to their beliefs. It doesn’t change the soil. The soil remains the same.

So – what is faith? Well, faith is knowing. It’s not about understanding, reconciling, looking or searching. Faith is knowing. Whether given the name “God,” “Allah,” “Mother Nature” or anything else – faith is knowing that ‘it’ exists. That’s all. How you choose to honor that knowing is about religion and beliefs. So, now I’m going to share my word with you. I often refer to “the Universe” or “God” or “Mother Nature” in my writings – but recently, I’ve defined what ‘it’ is for me, and that’s: Divine Grace. For, when I tap in to Divine Grace, my life and spirit are filled with gratitude, compassion, light and love. And, in the end, that’s what it’s all about.

In Love and Light,
Martina

Base Camp: The beginning of everything.

In following up on last week’s idea of 'your own Mt. Everest,' I thought it was time to break down the climb into stages, especially as I am living through them myself. Last week I told you all about my challenge: to give up sugar. This is my Mt. Everest. Or at least I thought it was, but it goes much further than that. My mountain is not just about giving up sugar, but rather it’s about re-learning how to live my life with regard to physical nourishment. This goes well beyond whether or not I consume sugar on a regular basis.

After sending out the post to my readers, I received a lot of support and encouragement, for which I am truly grateful. I also received the same message repeatedly, and I took notice. It was simple: moderation. This message came in various forms and words, but the end result was the same. So, I listened. Life, it seems, is about moderation. I think we all know this. I know I did. But I think we forget sometimes, and we throw ourselves out of balance. My giving up sugar was a way to attempt to restore balance, which had gone seriously awry over the past few months. Unfortunately, going to the opposite extreme was also out of balance for my body, and it let me know. I struggled through the detox, only to find myself incapable (seriously) of staying awake for more than a few hours at a time for the past few days. Even with all the good food and healthy choices, I simply had no energy, no desire and no motivation. This certainly wasn’t what I had expected.

I thought that by giving up sugar, I would hear angels sing, the heavens would part, and God, Himself, would come down and shake my hand. “Congratulations, Martina, all will be well, now!” Hahaha – oh how our minds work! It, of course, is not that easy.

Giving up sugar was a stepping stone toward realizing the true identity of the mountain itself. It was like reaching Base Camp – not the actual climb, but the first leg of something very important for me to do. It gave me the knowledge and awareness I needed to see the mountain more clearly and begin to understand what it actually represents. And I’m ok with that. After all, it’s about learning, discovering, remembering and moving forward with deliberate intention.

So, what happened with the sugar? Well, it wasn’t cravings that got me – it was my mind. I thought I would “test” myself to see if I still liked it. Yes, I truly thought that way. And yes, I still like sugar. I don’t, however, enjoy coke like I used to – so that’s really good news. And I’m actually quite content with that. I feel a bit like a failure, but again that’s my mind working me over, and I can quiet it down and focus on the positives that I am learning from this trek to my Base Camp. Moderation is the key, and it’s the word that I am focusing on at this point.

I have learned that it’s simply not possible to one day wake up and decide to climb Mt. Everest and then go do it. It requires thought, preparation and planning, all of which need to be looked at through the eyes of moderation. The “all or nothing” mentality is a reason so many people fail when they attempt to make a change in their lives. I’m not saying it’s not a possibility and there aren’t times when it’s essential to someone’s survival; I’m saying that when you have the luxury of time and are facing a mountain, taking planned deliberate steps will result in greater success than simply running forward.

Sometimes (most of the time) it’s more than enough to simply point your toes and your nose in a new direction. Once there, a new realm of possibility begins to open up, and the motivation for change becomes stronger, making the actual steps forward easier and more in sync with your whole being. Just shifting direction raises enough awareness to begin something new. The key is to allow for enough time before charging forward to acclimatize your whole being to the new direction. That’s what the Base Camp is all about. The climbers know that if they don’t stop at the Base Camp and allow their bodies to adjust to the environment, the new direction, they will not achieve their goal of the summit. I know that I have reached Base Camp, and I can feel comfortable and confident in how far I have already traveled. How long I will be here I cannot say, but I would rather err on the side of time and reach my goal, than leave too early and miss the mark. Let the acclimatizing begin!

In love and light,

Martina

What's your Mt. Everest?

Many of you know that this past week I have made a major life change. For those of you that don’t, here’s what’s going on. I have decided, in conjunction with my health care advisors, to get myself off sugar. I say it that way, because – for me – it truly is a drug of choice. I love (!) coca-cola. Coke is my weakness. It always has been. It’s one of those things that I gravitate toward when I’m feeling good, bad, sad, happy, or anything at all. It’s both an emotional eating device and an everyday food. Now, I thought I drank it within reason – 1 or 2 cokes a day – but that doesn’t make a difference. I could have had 6 a day or half of one, and it would have been the same. My body simply doesn’t tolerate refined sugar well, and it has been fighting me on this for years and years. Finally, last week, I decided to listen.

Although I haven’t experienced ‘major‘ problems from consuming too much sugar throughout my lifetime, they were horrible enough for me. Infections, IBS, and a weakened immune system finally got the better of me, and I could not ignore it anymore. Sugar, it seems, is toxic to my body. Perhaps in small doses, and in its natural state, I would be fine. But in order to get to that place of moderation, I have to walk through the tunnel of detox and cravings. It’s not a pretty tunnel, I assure you. As such, the past 5 days have been spent in bed, on the couch, and generally wandering around my house. Some days were better than others. Some nights I didn’t sleep, other days I slept all day. My heart rate spiked and I had skipped beats, but I also slept soundly when I was sleeping and finally got rid of the severely painful headache that started on day one. It has been a roller coaster, to say the least. A ride I don’t ever want to take again.

The realization that I was actually addicted to sugar came on Day Two – when I turned to my husband and said, “I feel like I’m going through some sort of prolonged withdrawal.” He’s an Addiction Psychiatrist, so he understood immediately. I was grateful. He has been super supportive and has removed much of the sugar from the house, including all my beloved Cokes. And I’m glad he did, because my determination definitely waivered at points. It still does. It’s a process.

So, where does Mt. Everest come in? Well, during my conversation with Tom, my doc, when we were discussing this idea before beginning it, I realized that although we were on the same page, he seemingly thought of it as somewhat ‘easy’ to change something that would actually be quite difficult for me. If it were easy, wouldn’t I have done it years ago? Then, in explaining myself, out popped the words, “Tom, this is my Mt. Everest,” and I, too, suddenly realized the profundity and accuracy of that statement.

We each have our own Mt. Everest. Indeed, we each have our own Himalayas, Alps or Rockies, etc. For me, handling a medical crisis is easy, for myriad reasons. I also quit smoking and drinking at the same time, with no cravings or issues, many years ago. Quitting sugar is quite a different story. My body is physically and chemically addicted to it. I have always been a ‘sweets’ person – salty does nothing for me. I can walk by a bag of chips without blinking an eye. Walking by a cupcake, however, always triggers feelings of desire and salivation. The ad campaign, “What would you do for a Klondike bar?” Yeah – I could have written that about a whole host of things. Sugar, Coke and sweets in particular, are my Mt. Everest. They are my greatest challenge, and I have avoided climbing them for years. Decades even. I have had physical symptoms sending me warning flares, but I ignored them. My thought process was, “as long as I don’t have diabetes, I’m fine.” What?!? Seriously, I was willing to wait until I had a life-threatening diagnosis before actually changing my behavior. That’s crazy! Or is it?

In talking with so many friends and family members this week, I realize that it’s not crazy. Many of us wander around through life, knowing that there is a giant mountain lurking in the distance, whatever it may represent, and we simply choose to look at the ground instead. But here’s the catch. In looking at the ground in order to divert our attention from the monolith beside us, we are missing all the other beautiful things around us that require us to look up and out.

We miss the birds in the sky and the beauty of puffy white clouds. We don’t see the forest OR the trees, but only the pine needles and leaves they have dropped. We miss architecture and air. We miss over half of our world. And that’s what it’s like living in deliberate ignorance: living a half-life.

So, I ask you: What’s your Mt. Everest? Or Rockies, Himalayas, Alps, foothills, etc.? What are you busy ignoring in order to live the way you’ve been living, and not face the challenge of making a change because it will hurt too much or you’re scared? It can be as small as an anthill, or as large as K2 – it doesn’t matter. As long as you are living in avoidance of the challenge, you are only partially living, and you are denying yourself and the world around you the brilliance of who you are.

Do I think giving up sugar will suddenly make me a little brighter? Yes. Actually, I do. I’ve already seen it happen. When I went to the grocery store yesterday I connected with people on a different level. I received a lot of smiles and warmth from strangers, as well as cooking advice. I was keenly aware that I was being viewed in a different light. Perhaps my aura was brighter, or maybe I just looked tired and I was getting sympathy. Either way, the results were undeniable. I’ll never say this has been easy, and I know I’m still in the tunnel working my way through to the other end, but today, the fifth day, I will say that I am glad I made the decision to lift my eyes and look at the mountain beside me, because in its own way, it’s very beautiful.

In love and light,

Martina

Drama Major

I had a conversation recently with Tom, my holistic doc/chiropractor – I think I’ve mentioned him before. He is awesome! Anyhow, we were talking about drama and crises, living with both and their affect on the choices we make. More specifically, we were talking about me, my life, my drama and all the crises I’ve been involved in or that have occurred around me during my lifetime – and it’s fair to say, I’ve had quite a few for my years.

The question was how to deal with, diffuse and (hopefully) prevent drama in our lives. Tom has a friend with whom he was also discussing this topic recently, and the friend suggested that drama is a necessary part of being human. Indeed, it’s partially what makes us human. From drama (crises) we learn to relate to others, to show compassion, and to care and grow within ourselves. So, I agree. Drama is a necessity; however, chronic drama is not.

Here’s where I’m going to make the distinction: A crisis is, by its nature, dramatic. That kind of ‘drama’ is necessary, because it provides us with the aforementioned lessons and will always regulate itself eventually. The problem comes in when we turn the regular (necessary) drama into a way of life that’s unhealthy. For me, handling a medical crisis is fairly easy, perhaps because I’ve had a fair amount of them to deal with in my lifetime. It’s whether I convert them into unnecessary drama that matters.

Unfortunately, I made a lot of the crises and ‘non-dramatic’ situations in my life more dramatic in order to fulfill the scripted lines of my own story. I was the girl who would stay up until 5am in college, because someone needed to talk. I had no boundaries, and I offered myself freely. (I was good in a crisis, remember?) So, if I didn’t sleep or got sick, it was all part of the equation. It was part of my story, my identity.

This is a story I’ve created, over time (lifetimes?), for various reasons. All of which remain somewhat subconscious. Obviously, what I didn’t know at the time was that all the extra emotional baggage I was creating was unnecessary. All I knew was that I felt needed, alive and viable. Drama, for me, was a way to define my worth and my reason for taking up space on the planet. It’s no surprise I was a Drama Major – I just didn’t realize I was getting my degree in lessons outside of academia!

Which brings us to today and my recent conversation with Tom. He’s working very hard to help me eliminate drama from my life, or at least recognize it for what it is. Ever aware that crises happen over which we have no control, it is a choice to turn that single event into a Three Act play. In this scenario then, it’s being aware of the pattern that matters most.

But how can you be aware of something you’re not aware of? It’s kind of like ‘you don’t know what you don’t know, until you know it.’ Right? Well, there are two ways. One: hopefully you have a friend, family member or healthcare professional who is there to help you see the repeating patterns in your life, and provide you with guidance, support and proper care. Or two: you begin to get tired of always having the same things happen to you, always getting the same results, and you begin to question it and see the patterns yourself. Either way, awareness of these repeating patterns provides us with the opportunity to change. From there, anything is possible.