New YOU Resolutions

Every year we all sit down and make New Year’s Resolutions – but how many of us actually keep them? Furthermore, how many of us achieve our goals, and feel good about ourselves throughout the process? I have thought for a long time that “New Year’s Resolutions” are failures waiting to happen. Why? Because we use the momentum (and often the guilt) of the holidays to make our decisions on what we would like to change in our lives or about ourselves. It’s not realistic to set goals and expectations from a space that is already heightened. It simply isn’t.

So, this year, I’ve come up with a new approach to the New Year’s Resolution issue. Instead of ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ how about New YOU Resolutions? If you think about it, it makes more sense. Why would you limit good changes to a year only? Why would you use the start of a new year to dictate and guide the changes you wish to make? It simply doesn’t make sense. So, here’s how it works:

To begin with, set aside some time for yourself this week. In other words, make a date with yourself. Do something fun: a movie, coffee, a good book – whatever will take you out of “holiday” mode and into “me” mode. Make that date, and keep it. It can be an hour or more, but give yourself a minimum of an hour. We’ll use the hour-long date as the example. In that hour, plan to spend 45 minutes relaxing or doing the enjoyable task you’ve chosen, setting aside 15 minutes at the end for the New YOU Resolutions. Now, what do you do in those 15 minutes?

To begin with – you always start with gratitude. Thank yourself for the lessons, experiences and growth you’ve done this year. Acknowledge the hard work and the changes you’ve already made from last year at this same time. Then reflect on the joyous times you’ve had, both as a result of these changes, and that occurred naturally. (It’s always good to make a point of remembering joy.) Once you’ve experienced gratitude and joy, it’s time to reflect on those things that would continue to bring you joy and gratitude in your life. This is why we focus on them first. It gives you an idea of where you’re coming from, and where you can use existing momentum to continue. This is key. Why? Because it’s coming from a space of positive affirmation, rather than negative criticism. It’s the difference between saying, “I’m fat, and want to lose weight,” and saying, “I don’t feel my best, and know I could feel better – I’d like to make healthier decisions.” Both may contain the goal of “losing weight,” but one is positive and the other is negative. The energy they carry is different.

And that’s the main difference between New Year’s Resolutions and New YOU Resolutions. The former is usually created from a space of shame, guilt or negative self-perception. Whereas the latter is created from self-love and a desire to be the best version of yourself you can be, with joy and gratitude.

So, once you’ve gotten a short (it must be short) list of where you’d like to go, i.e. the things that will continue to bring joy and gratitude into your life, you can then set reasonable goals to get there. An example is: I would like to be healthier, with the goal being: I will eat fruit in the morning when I first wake up. This will allow my body to feel better, have some instant fuel, and the fruit will be more easily digested, since it is eaten on an empty stomach. Plus, I’ll be getting vitamins and nutrients the old-fashioned way, not from a pill.

This is a simple change. I’ve done it myself, and I feel much better. More importantly, it’s a reasonable goal. It’s realistic, attainable and thoughtful. So, what New YOU Resolutions can you create this week?

p.s. Write them down; a goal always becomes more achievable when it’s given the attention of simply writing it down.

Breathe.

Do you breathe? That is to say, do you breathe properly? Of course we all breathe, but most of us don’t breathe properly. I’ve noticed this in myself whenever I get a little more stressed. It’s actually become one of my barometers for how stressful a situation is. Because I tend to have an unusually high tolerance for crises and stress, I’ve learned to notice my stress levels in physical ways: if my jaw is clenched, for example, or my shoulders raised. But one of the best gauges I have to monitor (and diffuse) my stress level is the quality of my breath.

Especially with the holidays now in full swing, and stress levels on the increase, this might be a good tool for you, too. But first you need to know what is proper breathing. For that, let’s look at our four-legged friends: dogs and cats. I have a dog, so I will use him as an example. When I watch him breathe, it has a calming affect on me. Why? Because he’s breathing naturally. He’s not “sucking it in” or sticking out his chest. He’s simply breathing. As such, his abdomen extends and contracts with each breath. This is proper (healthy) breathing. Kids are good examples, too. If you watch a young child, they breathe the same way. Their bellies raise and fall with each breath.

But as adults, we’ve somehow learned to breathe with our shoulders and our chests. Therefore, we’re not getting the full (and calming) breath we need. Shortened breath actually triggers the fight/flight response, too. So, it’s no wonder we feel stressed a lot of the time. Therefore, one of the best ways to combat stress, or measure how stressed you might be, is to monitor your breath. Take note of your breathing patterns. Does your belly extend? Or are you primarily lifting your chest and/or shoulders? When I teach clients how to breathe, I have them imagine the breath pulling all the way down their torso to the pelvic area. This may be a tiny bit extreme, but it’s a good visual. If you can “see” the air flowing that far down, you are breathing well – deeply and properly. And you will feel better as a result.

So, how are you breathing? Even right now, as you read this? It’s not something we think about, but it’s something that can actually change your entire body and presence in the world, not to mention how you experience these last few weeks of the year.

Blessings.

“When I’m worried and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep; and I fall asleep counting my blessings.”

This is one of my favorite songs from a holiday movie. It’s a duet between Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney from ‘White Christmas,’ and besides being very pretty to listen to – it conveys the simplest message, but one that I can hear over and over again. It’s one of the best reminders: we are all blessed in so many ways that we often overlook. Yet, if we pause, and actually count our blessings, I think we will remember just how lucky we are.

Tonight as I sit here and write this, I am brimming with blessings. There are many who would look at me from the outside and question why I feel so joyful, as I certainly have many challenges going on in my life right now, but the bottom line is: I am blessed. I know this. I know this, because I consciously spend time every day counting my blessings. This is a choice. I could choose to make a list of everything going wrong, or everything that needs to be fixed, or everything that I would like to change. OR I could choose to take note of the gratitude I feel for my life, my family, my friends and so many other things. What I have found is that by focusing on the latter – the things that ‘need to be changed’ are happening automatically. Again, another blessing.

So, I know I’ve mentioned it in the past – but I’m living proof of what can happen when we CHOOSE where to focus our attention. The old saying: you reap what you sow, is valid more now than ever. And when I turn out the lights tonight, and climb into bed – I know exactly what I am going to do. I’ll be hearing Bing and Rosemary singing in my head, as I count out my blessings and fall asleep with a grateful and joy-filled heart. I wish the same for you.

Passion Play

‘Tis the season. Yes, it’s that time of year where things shine a little brighter, and emotions run a little higher. Both good and bad. We’re just coming off the Thanksgiving holiday, which was hopefully a time for pause and reflection. But what about the other 364 days of the year? Why do we limit gratitude to one day only? What would happen if we started off each day focused on the things that bring us joy?

I’ve recently rediscovered one of my passions in life: music. I can’t tell you how much this remembering has changed my very core. I am happier, significantly happier. If I feel stressed, down, tired, upset or emotional – I put on music. I sing and dance around my house, and I remember the pure joy of doing something with passion. And I feel grateful. I’ve learned that the two go hand in hand, actually. Gratitude is not a solemn emotion, to be expressed seriously and with quiet meditation. Gratitude is joy-full! When we feel gratitude, we tend to feel happier. It simply makes sense. And the key to unlocking a perpetual stream of joy and gratitude in your life is reclaiming your passion.

It doesn’t matter what your passion is. Personally, I believe we all have many. What matters is that you remember one. Just one, and then you run with it. You incorporate it into your life in little ways, and you simply enjoy the pleasure of it. I think what you’ll find is that everything around you becomes a little easier, a little brighter and you will feel brighter, too, even during the “stress” of the holiday season. In fact, you might be able to ward off any stress if you make the decision to have a little dose of passion every day, starting now. For me, it’s music. It’s easy, and yet I had forgotten all about it. Now, all I have to do is pop in a CD, open my mouth, take a breath and sing! And voila – instant joy, which leads to pure gratitude. Ahhh. . . .

This week, as things start to pick up and get into full swing with family, parties, obligations, etc. take a moment to remind yourself what it means to feel joy and gratitude, and then know that one key that unlocks the door to those feelings is to experience your life with a daily dose of passion.

Fear and Gratitude

A favorite quote/mantra of mine: “Fear cannot live in a grateful heart.” Not sure where I first heard it or who said it – but it has been a guiding light in many a situation over the years. More recently, however, it has been a great tool that I have shared with clients, friends and family. And now I’d like to share it with you during this week in which we focus on giving thanks. Here’s how it works:

1) Think of something that causes you fear, anxiety or worry. Think of it, see it, and then FEEL it. Recognize that feeling within your body, physically. Sit with it for as long as you need, in order to commit it to memory - but not more than a minute, if you can last that long!

2) Now think of something for which you are grateful. Anything. The day, the weather, family, friends, a child, even your car or a new pair of shoes. Sit with this and truly feel the gratitude you have for whatever this is as it fills your body with love and joy. Allow that feeling to permeate every corner and every cell. Enjoy it. (you can sit with this one for as long as you want.)

Ok – now you know the two feelings and you have committed them to memory. Here comes the life-altering part: Whenever you have even the tiniest twinge of fear, like in the first part of the exercise, whether it shows up and registers as fear or not you now know what it is. You have a memory of it and a barometer, of sorts. When these feelings show up in your body, take a breath and switch into gratitude. Again, it can be gratitude for anything. Gratitude for the train being on time, or your coffee being delicious – or even having the money to buy a coffee. By switching from one emotion to the other, and consciously putting your attention onto your feelings, you are creating new habits and behaviors that will ultimately become automatic, and you will find that life becomes a little easier, smoother and more joy-filled.

The most challenging part of this exercise is recognizing the fear emotion, and then taking the pause (or breath) to consciously switch it. That’s why the first part of the exercise, though not pleasant, is important. You need to have the conscious memory of the physical feelings associated with these emotions in order to recognize and change them. As with all things, it takes practice, but it gets much easier the more you do it.

So, now this begs the question in this week of Thanksgiving: What makes you feel gratitude? Make a list. Keep it with you so you can call on it whenever you want. Add to it, change it, and see how different your life can be. For truly, when your heart is full of gratitude there is no room for fear.

With deepest gratitude for allowing me into your life…
In love and light,
Martina

In a blink.

Lately, I’ve witnessed and experienced several life-changing events. Last week I was 1 minute behind a major traffic accident. A car was flipped over on its side, the driver was still inside, and the police had not arrived yet. I can’t imagine how that person’s life has now changed. (I stayed long enough to offer assistance, and thankfully, the woman was still alive.)

Then this week a family friend passed away unexpectedly. He was golfing alone on Sunday, and somehow had an accident with his golf cart. He was not found for several hours, and subsequently was declared brain dead. His family chose to take him off life support later in the week. Again, a sad, sudden and extreme reminder of how tenuous life can be.

As another, more personal example, a couple of months ago, my own life took a turn rather suddenly too, and my life has changed forever as a result. And that’s ok. It’s been challenging, of course, but I know it’s part of “the plan,” as it were, and I am doing my best to live and let go. Here’s the thing: I have realized in recent days that I have a choice. While I didn’t get to choose what happened that made everything change, I DO get to choose how I go about dealing with it and what I do from here. And that knowledge has made all the difference.

One of my favorite songs from ‘Jekyll & Hyde’ includes the phrase, “the only thing constant is change.” And that is one of the most reliable facts of life, aside from death and taxes. So if that’s true, why do we fear change so much, in general? I believe that it’s because we don’t know what we don’t know until we know it. Yes, that’s a confusing sentence, but let me break it down:

“We don’t know what we don’t know,” – that seems obvious; “until we know it,” –that’s the tricky part. The fact is, change brings about experiences, which in turn brings about lessons, which brings about knowledge, which leads to growth, understanding and compassion. Change is challenging because of the unknown. However, if we return to that which we know to be true – which is the fact that we can CHOOSE how we deal with something – then the ‘unknown’ is no longer a factor. Because, as the above examples demonstrate, everything is actually unknown and life can change in the blink of an eye. What matters is how you choose to live in the moments after the blink.

D-d-d-d-d-Daylight

Ok – so this is something totally new for me to be writing about, but I feel it’s really important to share, in light of the change in seasons and weather. Did you know that approximately 40% of all Americans are Vitamin D deficient? Did you also know that you would have to drink about 10 glasses of D-fortified milk a day to get enough Vitamin D in your diet? Finally, did you know that Vitamin D is created naturally by your body with only about 10 minutes of sun a day?

Since most of us spend the daylight hours indoors, especially with the recent time change, there is no way we can get enough exposure to the sun without making some small changes in our day. So, with winter upon us and the days getting shorter and shorter, what can we do? Well, for starters, you can take simple steps to increase your natural vitamin D production, such as taking a stroll outside during lunch, if it’s sunny. Alternatively, you can supplement your diet with Vitamin D itself. Of course, the best thing to do is to visit your doctor and see if you can get your own levels tested – I think you might find the results surprising. I know I did!

In my own experience, I started adding Vitamin D to my diet a few years ago, specifically during the winter months. I noticed a difference fairly quickly, and am grateful my doctor recommended this addition to my daily routine. Adding Vitamin D gave me more energy, reduced my desire to hibernate during the winter months, and helped stabilize my mood, even on the dreariest of cold days.

Here’s what I do: I usually start adding Vitamin D back into my diet sometime in October, and I taper it off in April. Depending on where you live, and your access to sunlight, you may want to extend or shorten that time. Finally, I did notice a difference between taking the Vitamin D liqui-gels or tablets. The liqui-gels seemed more effective and easier on my system – plus they were recommended by my doc. And, of course, I stay in touch with my doctor to keep him informed of what supplements I am taking or reducing. With his help I am able to determine the most effective dose for my needs.

So that’s my experience with Vitamin D – and I can honestly say that everyone I have shared this tidbit of information with has experienced similar benefits. So what are you waiting for? Do you need more Vitamin D? More sunshine? Lastly, in case you didn’t realize the importance of this often overlooked nutrient for the body – do a quick search online and read about the long list of diseases and conditions that can be prevented by maintaining healthy levels of Vitamin D. You’ll be glad you did.

In love, light and good health,
Martina

*And now the disclaimer: This message is not intended to diagnose, treat or prevent any disease, illness or condition. Please see a medical professional for specific advice with regard to medications and/or supplements. *

Strength

Strength is not courage nor is it the absence of fear. Rather, strength is a willingness to feel weak and still make the decision to move forward with integrity.

There is a softness about strength. It is not found within determination. Instead it is in the knowing that at any moment everything can change. The strongest are able to bend, flow and move with grace like webs on the wind. The weakest are the most fixed. Stable in appearance, but weakened by their lack of flexibility.

What does all this mean? It means that I am strong, because I know myself to be otherwise. I know that anything - everything - changes without warning, and that I can choose to bend or stand firm. My strength is found in my weaknesses: compassion, understanding, sympathy, empathy. Without them, I would be steel. With them, I am the co-creator of my life...allowing the wind to carry me, always knowing that I get to choose how long to make my web.

Today was a challenging day. Tonight was even more difficult. The morning began with a difficult conversation that tested my resolve to stand firm, and the evening ended with an emotional conversation that had me bending and swaying like a palm tree in a hurricane. In the morning, I chose to find strength by allowing more flexibility into a precious decision. In the evening, though my emotions were carrying me this way and that, I chose to find the strength that comes with expressing myself honestly and openly, by stating my needs and creating boundaries.

So, in the end -- what is strength?.... We know it when we see it in others, yet we rarely recognize it in ourselves. And therein lies the answer.

Peace.

Letting Go

Two nights ago I was channel surfing and I stumbled upon something I’ve never watched before. It was Joel Osteen’s program. At first I was going to keep switching, but something he said caught my attention. His sermon was on moving mountains, but the point at which I joined him he had just said something that stuck with me. So I listened. It wasn’t necessarily new to me. In fact, it’s similar to other ‘teachers’ I’ve read, and things I’ve taught clients of my own. But it was new words, and I liked them.

He said: “Let there be light,” as he was quoting from the Bible. But what he said afterward is what made all the difference. He went on to explain that the use of the word “let” implied that there was an opposing force already in existence. As an example, he said, “let go of my hand” implies that your hand is currently being held or restrained. Therefore, “let there be light,” means that there was darkness, through which light was needed. And instead of asking for light, God directed it to appear. As Joel said, he ‘commanded’ it. So, here’s the deal:

What if we used the word ‘Let’ more often in our lives – but with conscious thought? There’s a great Christmas song called “Let there be peace on earth.” A great idea indeed! But what if we invoked the power of that word for smaller, everyday things? Wouldn’t that, couldn’t that, collectively create peace on earth? Here are some of my suggestions, what would yours be?

Let me speak with love and grace today to everyone I meet.
Let compassion be my guiding star.
Let me choose healthy foods, just for today.
Let others share their light with the world.
Let acceptance be the driving force in interactions.
Let me share my experience and strength with others.
Let me be open to receiving the wisdom of others.
Let gratitude fill my every thought.
Let there be joy in my heart and a smile on my face.
Let me be myself, who I am, now and always.
And finally. . .
Let God.

The last one is quite possibly the most simple and the most powerful. There’s a saying many of you might be familiar with: “Let go and Let God.” Sometimes, it truly is that simple. We can pray for what we want or need, but without handing it over to God (the Universe, Divine Grace, etc.) we are not allowing our needs to be met. As with everything, it is a two-step process: 1) focusing thought, and 2) letting go. So, with my list above, I focused my thought and energy on things I think would make me, my community, my country and the earth a happier more peaceful place. But in the end, I’ve only taken the first step. The second step is to actually let those thoughts go. If you think of it this way: as long as you are holding on to the thought of what you want, you are not allowing the space for it to become reality. Do you see how that works?

If your hands and heart are full of the “idea” of something, there is no room for that something to become physically real.

Why? Because it’s trapped in the energy of being a thought, nothing more. It’s when we let go of the thought, that it finally has the opportunity to become reality. And God (the Universe, Divine Grace, etc.) has the opportunity to do their part by making it real, or better.

So, “let” is a powerful word indeed. But its true power is unleashed when we use it as it was intended: by invoking its power, and then allowing it the freedom and space to realize its potential. What would you ask for today? And are you willing to then let it go?

In Love and Light,
Martina

One word

This week I want to share something with you that I found particularly interesting. I have been reading Laura Munson’s book “This is Not the Story You Think It Is…” and toward the beginning (actually in the 2nd chapter) there is this amazing excerpt that Laura shares with us. Perhaps you’ve heard of it before. Indeed it’s fairly reminiscent of a through-line in ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ (perhaps both ladies read the same author – I don’t know). What I do know is I want to share it with you now, as well as Laura’s thoughts and words leading up to the excerpt. From Laura:

“And then I remember an excerpt from a book that has seen me through hard times before. It’s called The Cloud of Unknowing. In it, an anonymous fourteenth-century Christian mystic writer asks us to choose a word. One word. And to fasten it to our hearts. That word, working in us, will bring us through the hardest times. Or so the anonymous writer promises. In my life, that word has been many things. God, love, hope, truth, joy, grace, beauty, wonder, surrender, freedom. Right now it is more simple than any of those things. It is not a deity or a goal or a state of being. It’s an action verb. It is simply: breathe.”

And here is the excerpt:

“Take just a little word of one syllable rather than two . . . Such a one is the word God or the word love. Choose which you prefer . . . and fasten this word to your heart so that whatever happens it will never go away. This word is to be your shield and your spear, whether you are riding in peace or in war. With this word you are to beat upon the cloud and the darkness above and beneath you. With this word you are to strike down every kind of thought, driving it down into a pool of forgetting. If any thought should press upon you, asking what you would have, answer with no word but this one. If your thoughts should offer, out of their great learning to analyze your word for you and tell you its meanings, say to your thoughts that you want to keep it whole . . . It is not a matter of analyzing or elucidating . . . No one can truly think of God. It is therefore my wish to leave everything that I can think and choose for my love the thing that I cannot think. God can be loved but not thought. He can be taken and held by love, but not by thought.”

For me, this is one of the most poignant and simple things I’ve read in a while. I have to admit, I have not yet read ‘Eat, Pray, Love,” but I did see the movie, and I spent the following few days thinking of my word. And then I picked up Laura’s book (which is a must-read), and the same suggestion was laid before me to ponder. And I urgently thought, “What IS my word?” “Do I even have a word?” “Am I a failure if I can’t come up with a word? One word?” Geesh!

The problem was I couldn’t come up with just one. I had several, actually, that felt ‘right’ for me. So – how could I choose? Was it: faith, light, peace, authenticity, or truth? What was my word? You probably know from previous writings that I refer to God in many ways, as God encompasses so much for me. So, I tried “God” on for size – and I still felt like I couldn’t settle on one word. And yet the author was so clear. One word. One one-syllable word. That’s all. How was I going to do this? And then I realized something. It wasn’t about the ONE word. It was about the act of making a decision, and holding it. For me, what mattered more than the word was making a choice. And once I settled down, stepped away from my mind and allowed myself the room to choose - you know what happened? I chose Me. I’m not sure it gets simpler than that. Me.

Some of you may think that odd – but it’s the most authentic, loving, peaceful, happy, light and divine word I can come up with. By choosing “me” and fastening myself to my heart – I have chosen to step into my own power. I have chosen to honor who I am as an expression of something Divine. And I have chosen to feel the freedom that comes with making such a decision.

In the end, it became much simpler than I was making it. There are so many words I could have chosen along the way to help me through difficult times. But they would be transient words, ever-changing in the face of challenges. The one word that would never change is simply Me. And for that realization I can honestly say I am incredibly grateful. Thank you, Laura. Thank you, Liz. And thank you anonymous Christian mystic for prompting me to make the choice.

In love and light,
Martina

Faith and Belief

I recently had a conversation with a friend on Facebook that prompted my thinking about Faith and Belief. Although I was raised with a specific religion, and it influences who I am today, I don’t associate with it specifically. Instead, I have discovered the joy and purity of faith, regardless of religion. To have faith in something greater than yourself is one of the greatest gifts ever given. Why? Because it creates an awareness of possibility, and in possibility lies hope.

I remember when I was in college, my father taught me something very wise. And like so many other “young” people, I never appreciated the depth of his teaching until more recently. He said that it was in questioning our religion, all of it, that we were able to arrive at true faith. In other words, he didn’t believe that following something because you were told to was actually believing in it – but by questioning it, and raising your own awareness of it within your life and soul, you would arrive at a level of faith and belief that was pure and strong. Like I said, at the time, I didn’t get it – but I definitely know what he was talking about today.

For me, my faith is based in the knowledge – the true knowledge – that there is something greater at work in the Universe. That different religions and cultures give that “something” different names, but that, for me, in the end, it’s all the same. The differences are human-made. They are not Divinely-inspired. They were created in order to bring understanding to that which is not understandable, only knowable.

In this conversation with my friend, I shared my belief that faith is Divine like the soil under our feet; and religion is human, like fences placed in the soil to separate out the masses according to their beliefs. It doesn’t change the soil. The soil remains the same.

So – what is faith? Well, faith is knowing. It’s not about understanding, reconciling, looking or searching. Faith is knowing. Whether given the name “God,” “Allah,” “Mother Nature” or anything else – faith is knowing that ‘it’ exists. That’s all. How you choose to honor that knowing is about religion and beliefs. So, now I’m going to share my word with you. I often refer to “the Universe” or “God” or “Mother Nature” in my writings – but recently, I’ve defined what ‘it’ is for me, and that’s: Divine Grace. For, when I tap in to Divine Grace, my life and spirit are filled with gratitude, compassion, light and love. And, in the end, that’s what it’s all about.

In Love and Light,
Martina

Base Camp: The beginning of everything.

In following up on last week’s idea of 'your own Mt. Everest,' I thought it was time to break down the climb into stages, especially as I am living through them myself. Last week I told you all about my challenge: to give up sugar. This is my Mt. Everest. Or at least I thought it was, but it goes much further than that. My mountain is not just about giving up sugar, but rather it’s about re-learning how to live my life with regard to physical nourishment. This goes well beyond whether or not I consume sugar on a regular basis.

After sending out the post to my readers, I received a lot of support and encouragement, for which I am truly grateful. I also received the same message repeatedly, and I took notice. It was simple: moderation. This message came in various forms and words, but the end result was the same. So, I listened. Life, it seems, is about moderation. I think we all know this. I know I did. But I think we forget sometimes, and we throw ourselves out of balance. My giving up sugar was a way to attempt to restore balance, which had gone seriously awry over the past few months. Unfortunately, going to the opposite extreme was also out of balance for my body, and it let me know. I struggled through the detox, only to find myself incapable (seriously) of staying awake for more than a few hours at a time for the past few days. Even with all the good food and healthy choices, I simply had no energy, no desire and no motivation. This certainly wasn’t what I had expected.

I thought that by giving up sugar, I would hear angels sing, the heavens would part, and God, Himself, would come down and shake my hand. “Congratulations, Martina, all will be well, now!” Hahaha – oh how our minds work! It, of course, is not that easy.

Giving up sugar was a stepping stone toward realizing the true identity of the mountain itself. It was like reaching Base Camp – not the actual climb, but the first leg of something very important for me to do. It gave me the knowledge and awareness I needed to see the mountain more clearly and begin to understand what it actually represents. And I’m ok with that. After all, it’s about learning, discovering, remembering and moving forward with deliberate intention.

So, what happened with the sugar? Well, it wasn’t cravings that got me – it was my mind. I thought I would “test” myself to see if I still liked it. Yes, I truly thought that way. And yes, I still like sugar. I don’t, however, enjoy coke like I used to – so that’s really good news. And I’m actually quite content with that. I feel a bit like a failure, but again that’s my mind working me over, and I can quiet it down and focus on the positives that I am learning from this trek to my Base Camp. Moderation is the key, and it’s the word that I am focusing on at this point.

I have learned that it’s simply not possible to one day wake up and decide to climb Mt. Everest and then go do it. It requires thought, preparation and planning, all of which need to be looked at through the eyes of moderation. The “all or nothing” mentality is a reason so many people fail when they attempt to make a change in their lives. I’m not saying it’s not a possibility and there aren’t times when it’s essential to someone’s survival; I’m saying that when you have the luxury of time and are facing a mountain, taking planned deliberate steps will result in greater success than simply running forward.

Sometimes (most of the time) it’s more than enough to simply point your toes and your nose in a new direction. Once there, a new realm of possibility begins to open up, and the motivation for change becomes stronger, making the actual steps forward easier and more in sync with your whole being. Just shifting direction raises enough awareness to begin something new. The key is to allow for enough time before charging forward to acclimatize your whole being to the new direction. That’s what the Base Camp is all about. The climbers know that if they don’t stop at the Base Camp and allow their bodies to adjust to the environment, the new direction, they will not achieve their goal of the summit. I know that I have reached Base Camp, and I can feel comfortable and confident in how far I have already traveled. How long I will be here I cannot say, but I would rather err on the side of time and reach my goal, than leave too early and miss the mark. Let the acclimatizing begin!

In love and light,

Martina

What's your Mt. Everest?

Many of you know that this past week I have made a major life change. For those of you that don’t, here’s what’s going on. I have decided, in conjunction with my health care advisors, to get myself off sugar. I say it that way, because – for me – it truly is a drug of choice. I love (!) coca-cola. Coke is my weakness. It always has been. It’s one of those things that I gravitate toward when I’m feeling good, bad, sad, happy, or anything at all. It’s both an emotional eating device and an everyday food. Now, I thought I drank it within reason – 1 or 2 cokes a day – but that doesn’t make a difference. I could have had 6 a day or half of one, and it would have been the same. My body simply doesn’t tolerate refined sugar well, and it has been fighting me on this for years and years. Finally, last week, I decided to listen.

Although I haven’t experienced ‘major‘ problems from consuming too much sugar throughout my lifetime, they were horrible enough for me. Infections, IBS, and a weakened immune system finally got the better of me, and I could not ignore it anymore. Sugar, it seems, is toxic to my body. Perhaps in small doses, and in its natural state, I would be fine. But in order to get to that place of moderation, I have to walk through the tunnel of detox and cravings. It’s not a pretty tunnel, I assure you. As such, the past 5 days have been spent in bed, on the couch, and generally wandering around my house. Some days were better than others. Some nights I didn’t sleep, other days I slept all day. My heart rate spiked and I had skipped beats, but I also slept soundly when I was sleeping and finally got rid of the severely painful headache that started on day one. It has been a roller coaster, to say the least. A ride I don’t ever want to take again.

The realization that I was actually addicted to sugar came on Day Two – when I turned to my husband and said, “I feel like I’m going through some sort of prolonged withdrawal.” He’s an Addiction Psychiatrist, so he understood immediately. I was grateful. He has been super supportive and has removed much of the sugar from the house, including all my beloved Cokes. And I’m glad he did, because my determination definitely waivered at points. It still does. It’s a process.

So, where does Mt. Everest come in? Well, during my conversation with Tom, my doc, when we were discussing this idea before beginning it, I realized that although we were on the same page, he seemingly thought of it as somewhat ‘easy’ to change something that would actually be quite difficult for me. If it were easy, wouldn’t I have done it years ago? Then, in explaining myself, out popped the words, “Tom, this is my Mt. Everest,” and I, too, suddenly realized the profundity and accuracy of that statement.

We each have our own Mt. Everest. Indeed, we each have our own Himalayas, Alps or Rockies, etc. For me, handling a medical crisis is easy, for myriad reasons. I also quit smoking and drinking at the same time, with no cravings or issues, many years ago. Quitting sugar is quite a different story. My body is physically and chemically addicted to it. I have always been a ‘sweets’ person – salty does nothing for me. I can walk by a bag of chips without blinking an eye. Walking by a cupcake, however, always triggers feelings of desire and salivation. The ad campaign, “What would you do for a Klondike bar?” Yeah – I could have written that about a whole host of things. Sugar, Coke and sweets in particular, are my Mt. Everest. They are my greatest challenge, and I have avoided climbing them for years. Decades even. I have had physical symptoms sending me warning flares, but I ignored them. My thought process was, “as long as I don’t have diabetes, I’m fine.” What?!? Seriously, I was willing to wait until I had a life-threatening diagnosis before actually changing my behavior. That’s crazy! Or is it?

In talking with so many friends and family members this week, I realize that it’s not crazy. Many of us wander around through life, knowing that there is a giant mountain lurking in the distance, whatever it may represent, and we simply choose to look at the ground instead. But here’s the catch. In looking at the ground in order to divert our attention from the monolith beside us, we are missing all the other beautiful things around us that require us to look up and out.

We miss the birds in the sky and the beauty of puffy white clouds. We don’t see the forest OR the trees, but only the pine needles and leaves they have dropped. We miss architecture and air. We miss over half of our world. And that’s what it’s like living in deliberate ignorance: living a half-life.

So, I ask you: What’s your Mt. Everest? Or Rockies, Himalayas, Alps, foothills, etc.? What are you busy ignoring in order to live the way you’ve been living, and not face the challenge of making a change because it will hurt too much or you’re scared? It can be as small as an anthill, or as large as K2 – it doesn’t matter. As long as you are living in avoidance of the challenge, you are only partially living, and you are denying yourself and the world around you the brilliance of who you are.

Do I think giving up sugar will suddenly make me a little brighter? Yes. Actually, I do. I’ve already seen it happen. When I went to the grocery store yesterday I connected with people on a different level. I received a lot of smiles and warmth from strangers, as well as cooking advice. I was keenly aware that I was being viewed in a different light. Perhaps my aura was brighter, or maybe I just looked tired and I was getting sympathy. Either way, the results were undeniable. I’ll never say this has been easy, and I know I’m still in the tunnel working my way through to the other end, but today, the fifth day, I will say that I am glad I made the decision to lift my eyes and look at the mountain beside me, because in its own way, it’s very beautiful.

In love and light,

Martina

Drama Major

I had a conversation recently with Tom, my holistic doc/chiropractor – I think I’ve mentioned him before. He is awesome! Anyhow, we were talking about drama and crises, living with both and their affect on the choices we make. More specifically, we were talking about me, my life, my drama and all the crises I’ve been involved in or that have occurred around me during my lifetime – and it’s fair to say, I’ve had quite a few for my years.

The question was how to deal with, diffuse and (hopefully) prevent drama in our lives. Tom has a friend with whom he was also discussing this topic recently, and the friend suggested that drama is a necessary part of being human. Indeed, it’s partially what makes us human. From drama (crises) we learn to relate to others, to show compassion, and to care and grow within ourselves. So, I agree. Drama is a necessity; however, chronic drama is not.

Here’s where I’m going to make the distinction: A crisis is, by its nature, dramatic. That kind of ‘drama’ is necessary, because it provides us with the aforementioned lessons and will always regulate itself eventually. The problem comes in when we turn the regular (necessary) drama into a way of life that’s unhealthy. For me, handling a medical crisis is fairly easy, perhaps because I’ve had a fair amount of them to deal with in my lifetime. It’s whether I convert them into unnecessary drama that matters.

Unfortunately, I made a lot of the crises and ‘non-dramatic’ situations in my life more dramatic in order to fulfill the scripted lines of my own story. I was the girl who would stay up until 5am in college, because someone needed to talk. I had no boundaries, and I offered myself freely. (I was good in a crisis, remember?) So, if I didn’t sleep or got sick, it was all part of the equation. It was part of my story, my identity.

This is a story I’ve created, over time (lifetimes?), for various reasons. All of which remain somewhat subconscious. Obviously, what I didn’t know at the time was that all the extra emotional baggage I was creating was unnecessary. All I knew was that I felt needed, alive and viable. Drama, for me, was a way to define my worth and my reason for taking up space on the planet. It’s no surprise I was a Drama Major – I just didn’t realize I was getting my degree in lessons outside of academia!

Which brings us to today and my recent conversation with Tom. He’s working very hard to help me eliminate drama from my life, or at least recognize it for what it is. Ever aware that crises happen over which we have no control, it is a choice to turn that single event into a Three Act play. In this scenario then, it’s being aware of the pattern that matters most.

But how can you be aware of something you’re not aware of? It’s kind of like ‘you don’t know what you don’t know, until you know it.’ Right? Well, there are two ways. One: hopefully you have a friend, family member or healthcare professional who is there to help you see the repeating patterns in your life, and provide you with guidance, support and proper care. Or two: you begin to get tired of always having the same things happen to you, always getting the same results, and you begin to question it and see the patterns yourself. Either way, awareness of these repeating patterns provides us with the opportunity to change. From there, anything is possible.

Soul Mates

Years ago – ok, 13 years ago – I was talking with a friend of my mom’s who was guiding me on some ‘life’ questions I had, and during the conversation, I said, “I want to meet my soul mate.” Her wry response? “Are you sure?” “Yes – why wouldn’t I be?!?”

Here’s what I thought: I thought that you meet your soul mate, you get married, and you live happily ever after. And I guess, in looking at the BIG picture that’s totally true. But in the day-to-day of it all, well, it sometimes feels like a cruel joke. Why? Because our true soul mates are the people who are meant to bring us our greatest lessons. Which means they bring us our biggest challenges and force us to look in the mirror at who we are, where we are and how we are. They reflect back to us all our immeasurable beauty, as well as all of our greatest defects.

It goes on. Each soul usually has more than one soul mate. It all depends on where you are in your life when you meet the one that crosses your path whether you’re ready to face the litany of lessons you agreed to bring to each other. This, of course, does not mean that it gets easier with another soul mate if you choose to leave the one you’re with – in fact, quite the reverse. It compounds the lessons you have chosen to learn in this lifetime. Hence my support for the idea: “work, don’t walk.” But I digress.

For me, I know I have married one of my soul mates in this lifetime. He has brought me more opportunities for growth, understanding and love than I ever expected, or believed I could handle. It has not been easy, but I asked for it. I clearly stated to the Universe that I was ready, and to bring it on! And boy did they ever! And I’ve never been more grateful. Despite the challenges and lessons, I am now able to look at the bigger picture and see the absolute perfection of being with my soul mate. It has allowed me to become who I am. The conscious awareness of that statement is not lost on me. It’s profound. Because I took the step to be with my soul mate, and not run away when things got tough, I have given myself the opportunity to return to my natural state of being: which is love.

Now you might be saying, ‘That’s nice, Martina, but what does all this mean for me?’ Here’s my thought on that: I’ve spoken with tons of people over the years who are searching for happiness in another person. They have said, “I want to find my soul mate,” because they feel certain that their soul mate will complete them and bring them happiness. In many respects, that’s true. But not without doing the work themselves. Our soul mate doesn’t complete us by being half of a whole. Our soul mate completes us by creating opportunities for us to become whole ourselves.

Unfortunately, all too often we find the work to be too difficult, painful or otherwise challenging, and so we walk away. We say, “it wasn’t meant to be.” But that’s just it – it WAS meant to be. It was meant to be, because it was an opportunity for you to return to your natural state of being. It was an opportunity to find that happiness and wholeness inside yourself and not in another person. Our soul mates simply help us get back to the work. They remind us to get back on the path in order to find that joy in who we are. But when we’re hurting it’s not always easy to see it that way – and we often project our fears and pain onto the one person who is actually there to help us the most.

So, what happens when you run into another soul mate during this lifetime while you’re still with one? Nothing. Nothing has to happen, because there are always agreements in place to honor one another’s path. Besides, who says a relationship with a soul mate needs to be romantic? It’s the relationship that matters. Why can’t it be siblings or a friendship? A friendship still allows for the great discoveries and growth to occur, albeit in a different capacity than we usually think about when referring to ‘soul mates.’ Moreover, the fact that you may have, and meet, more than one soul mate in a lifetime does not diminish any current relationship. It’s just about looking at things in the big picture, in order to understand the smaller things a little bit better.

Now when someone says to me, “I’m ready to find my soul mate,” I pause, smile and say, “I’m so happy for you," -- because everything changes from here.

In Love and Light,

Martina

Accidents Happen . . .

Today I super glued my fingers together. It was an accident, of course. The tube just exploded the instant I punctured it. Contacts under pressure, indeed. The point is, it was an accident. Accidents happen. Life happens. It’s how we react and what we choose to do about them that matters. And just as there is an ‘antidote’ of sorts to fix the super glue fiasco (nail polish remover, actually), there are antidotes to life’s ‘accidents.’ Alternatively, the super glue bottle also advises that regular hand washing over the course of a few days will also remove the hardened substance from my fingertips. Ahh yes. The tincture of time.

Time is one of those oft forgotten remedies to almost all of life’s challenges. “Time heals all wounds.” Eventually yes it does – if we allow it to. What do I mean by that? Let me give you an example:

If you have a cut on your leg and everyday you open it up, for whatever reason, and re-experience the pain and suffering of that wound, it will not heal – even with time. Why? Because you are choosing to open the wound each day and re-injure yourself. Even if the original injury was an accident, the subsequent actions are choices. If, however, you treated the wound initially with love and care, and accepted it for what it was – an accident – time will eventually heal it. Why? Because you made the choice to allow that to happen. Sometimes we want something to be fixed so badly that we cause repeated injury by messing with it, rather than allowing it to take its course. In the end, we prolong the healing that is destined to take place. Hopefully, we learn from that experience and make a different choice the next time.

Now this is not to say that we can’t be proactive about our lives and our health. We can be. Sitting back and waiting for time to fix something is also a choice. It’s what we do – the actions we take – while waiting for time to pass that matters.

For instance, back to my fingers. I recognized it was an accident, and I took the immediate necessary steps to fix as much as I could. I found some ‘goof off’ and managed to remove about 70% of the hardened glue. But I also had a commitment – a job to do – so at some point, I stopped. I chose to return to my work and allow for time (and water) to take care of the remainder of the glue. As such, I feel accomplished, empowered and content with the outcome of the accident. I’m not resentful or stressed. I’m accepting and aware. And I am allowing for the remainder to resolve itself naturally. This has allowed me to continue what I was doing – honoring myself and my responsibilities – and feel positive about it.

So once again, it comes down to choice, acceptance and allowing. When we choose how we are going to respond to something, instead of having an emotional reaction, we are in a better place to be empowered to accept things in the situation and allow for the possibility of a positive outcome. How awesome is that?

In Love and Light,

Martina

Manifesting…Powerful Tool? Or Gimmick?

There has been so much information shared about the power of manifestation in recent years that I thought I would toss my two cents into the ring. To begin with there is ‘The Secret’ - made popular by Oprah Winfrey, but there is also ‘Ask and it is Given’ by Esther and Jerry Hicks. These are the two mainstream works that come to mind when I think of manifestation – and there is a difference between them. While ‘The Secret’ focuses on the process by which you manifest things (mostly material things) into your life, ‘Ask and it is Given’ divides its focuses between the process and the allowing for the manifestation to occur. For that reason, I agree more with the latter. But, it’s still not enough. Why?

Because it all depends on your intention, actually. If the intention behind your manifesting is that of desperation and desire, there is an urgency in your thought process that carries with it a hint of self-defeating prophecy. It carries the energy of ‘lack.’ As a result, the Universe feels the ‘lack’ in your request and provides you with it. It’s like when someone says, “It’s just my luck.” Yes, it is – because you asked for it. Manifestation, in my opinion, is 50% asking, 50% allowing and 100% intention and purity of thought. Yes, I know that adds up to 200% - but bear with me.

The 100% I suggest simply implies that behind the asking and the allowing, you need to have purity of thought and intention. If you ask for something, but believe somewhere inside that it’s not yours to have, you’re not worthy, or it won’t happen – then there’s no point in asking. Likewise, if you ask for something with purity of intention, but in allowing it to come to fruition you sit in a place of skepticism and doubt – it won’t happen. That’s why, although it seems so easy, we have been somewhat misguided. Manifestation actually begins with modification: the modification of our thought patterns and belief systems.

So, my suggestion is to start small. Work with the idea of manifesting by choosing things in your life that you know (truly know) are possible and plausible. And allow the Universe to comply. Without the doubt, skepticism and negative beliefs, you will begin to see the power of this incredible tool. Then, gradually, as you believe, you will be able to manifest more and more into your life.

As a side note, tomorrow (Monday, August 9^th) is a New Moon. It’s an opportunity for cleansing and creating. New beginnings are possible. Perhaps it’s time for a new belief system? Such as “I am worthy of all beauty, abundance and prosperity the Universe has to offer.” (And the Universe is limitless!)

Whatever you choose to do, the bottom line is: Intention Matters. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again. It matters much more now than ever before as we enter into a new age. That also means that it’s more powerful than ever before. So, make the choice to live life from a place of love and compassion, from a place of selflessness and understanding, and from a place of abundance in all things; and the Universe will comply.

In Love and Light,

Martina

If this, then that…

Why is it that we’ve been programmed to delay happiness? Think about it for a second. Do you have the thought pattern anywhere ingrained in you that says: “If I do/acquire/reach a certain thing/level – I will then be happy.” Replace ‘happy’ with content, peaceful, complete – any number of words – it’s the same idea regardless. But here’s the thing: with this thought pattern, we are actually preventing our own happiness. We’re in effect saying that we’re not worthy of happiness (peace, etc.) without first suffering through something or proving our worth. As a result, we’re denying ourselves permission to be happy. WHAT?!?

Don’t worry – I do it too. Why? Because I’m human. It’s part of the human condition – or conditioning. It’s a game we play with ourselves. A game of merit and self-worth. A game of success and failure. A game with too many unwritten rules. And a game where the world is the playing field, and everyone is on a different team. Furthermore, it’s something that will never change, and that we can never win. The only way to “fix” it is to remove it entirely by stepping off the field. Now, I’m not saying it’s time to die. I’m saying it’s time to acknowledge the game going on all around us, and in us, and simply decide to stop playing. It’s easier said than done, you say? Yes. And no.

Yes, everything is easier said than done. When our friends, family and colleagues are able to point things out to us, it’s because they have the perspective with which to do so. They’re not as close to the problem as we are; therefore, it’s much easier for them to see it, which is why we seek advice, help and encouragement from others. But that doesn’t mean that they will follow the same advice if they were in a similar situation. Again, they would be too close to the issue to have the perspective that makes a solution easy. Or easier.

But no, it’s not easier said than done – because I’m going to give you an idea that will help you step off the playing field, take off your jersey and step into your happiness. Once planted, this idea will begin to grow, and little by little you will start to accept and realize its truth. Here it is:

If the assumption is there will never be a perfect time, then we have nothing to lose by claiming our happiness now. The premise of the idea “if this, then that” is based on the notion that we are waiting for the ‘perfect’ time in order to realize something in our lives. We need all of our ducks to be in a row before we feel we can move on to the next thing. However, it goes further by also suggesting that there is no ‘perfect’ time, therefore that ‘something’ we desire will always be out of reach. Do you see? If there will never be a perfect time to own what’s already ours – then why not own it now? Inevitably “no perfect time” becomes perfect.

Of course, reality steps in on certain things like, you might need to have a job in order to buy a house (or a vacation home in the Greek Isles!); but what I’m saying is that the house won’t bring you happiness. The house won’t bring you stability. The house is not the issue. Nor is the job. They are steps towards creating an environment in which you “think” you would be happier. But nothing external actually creates happiness. Happiness comes from within. A house, a car, a job, a relationship, these are all things that can come and go – and if we pin our dreams and happiness on them, then that means our happiness can come and go as well. Why would we ever choose that?

Instead, opt for a different choice, a different way of living. Waiting to be happy by virtue of an external stimulus means you will spend a lifetime waiting. I guarantee once you’ve reached the desired goal, there will always be something else looming in the distance, and because it’s a conditioned behavior, you will once more fall into the pattern of “if this, then that.” Professor Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series said it best when he said to Harry, as he was sitting in front of the Mirror of Erised, “The happiest man on earth would … see himself exactly as he is.” (And did you all notice that Erised is ‘desire’ spelled backwards?)

So, in considering this concept: if you have nothing to lose – what would you endeavor to do?

Reflections on 'Madame Bovary'

I recently watched the BBC-TV miniseries version of ‘Madame Bovary’ (2000) and found myself re-thinking my opinion of Emma Bovary. Years ago when I read (and heard about) ‘Madame Bovary,’ the focus of all the attention was on how scandalous she was. She was a woman who dreamt of a grander life than that which she was living. In order to fulfill part of her longing for something more, she had adulterous affairs that allowed her to escape the reality of her situation. She also spent money wildly, that she didn’t have, in order to fill that void deep within. She was never satisfied, always wanting more. More stimuli, more emotions, more feeling, more grandeur, more more more. Nothing would ever be enough. Was this the result of her dreams and childhood indulgences? Or could it have been the result of an inner struggle of self-love and acceptance? Or both?

This time, watching this miniseries, I found myself relating to her on a different level. For me, it was no longer about the scandalous romantic affairs she had, or the shame she brought to her house, husband and life. Today I watched the portrayal of Emma Bovary with compassion and understanding. She was a woman who didn’t love herself. She was someone who needed the approval and engagement of others in order to feel self worth. She was, in a word, lost.

Emma Bovary is a great example of what has happened to much of our society over the past decades. We have come to a place where we are constantly searching for more, for external approval and for greater degrees of stimulation. We have become numb to what was once considered good, and now long for things that are thought of as incredible. We consume beyond our means, and we are feeling the effects of that life of indulgence today. The question remains, however, what prompted this behavior in the first place? Are we a society that has no love of self? Are we lost?

I won’t presume to answer those questions. I’m just me and can only speak for myself. I know, firsthand, what it feels like to be lost. And I related fully with Emma’s desire for more. Halle Berry gave an award-winning performance of a woman who wanted “to feel” in ‘Monster’s Ball.’ And while her performance was raw and bold, I remember speaking to many people shortly thereafter who said they could relate to her emotions – though perhaps not as thoroughly as she portrayed them. So – what is it that keeps us searching, consuming and longing for that which we don’t have? From my experience, it’s the fear of looking at ourselves fully and learning the depth of our denial. It’s when that veil comes down that we finally see what we’re feeling, deep within. It’s what Emma Bovary saw in the final scenes of the miniseries.

Her desperation to maintain the façade she had created was palpable. She shared with us her raw emotions while pleading for assistance to save the identity she had created in order to feel viable and necessary in this world; in order to feel like she had any value at all. And that is what makes the story so tragic. Rather than looking at Madame Bovary as a scandalous villain, I now choose to see her as a victim of a lack of self-love. She felt no worth except in the eyes of others. She experienced little pleasure except through external actions and stimuli. Emma Bovary was uncomfortable in her own skin. In the end, that would be her undoing. When she finally had no other alternative but to be herself, she was unable to do so, and took her own life. Her tried and true methods of escape had finally failed her, and she was left with the only other means of escape she knew: death.

The message I now get from this masterpiece is the importance of self-love above all things. There will always be millions of reasons and methods of escape available to those who seek them: drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, internet, etc. Escape is easy; it’s living authentically that’s hard – until one day, when it’s not. And that’s the greatest lesson I have learned in this lifetime. Living authentically as who I am brings me more joy, peace, love and serenity than any escape ever could. I, therefore, send a wish to all the Emma Bovary’s out there, whether male or female, that they too can learn this lesson and embrace themselves fully with unconditional love and understanding.

In love and light,

Martina

Finding a Reset Button

I’m writing a book on finding a Pause button right now, and the research I am doing is fascinating. It’s definitely worthwhile to know how and when to hit “pause” in our lives. But what about actually starting over? What if we are in need of a reset button instead – then what?

I think finding a reset button usually comes after some sort of pause. In the pause we have a realization that things aren’t heading in the best direction. We also realize that the awareness of this fact isn’t enough to change directions. We actually need to stop, get off, and start over. We need a reset. But what does that look like?

Very few of us have the luxury of being able to truly stop everything we’re doing and run off somewhere to “find ourselves.” For those that do have that luxury – it’s usually self-created out of necessity. A necessity so compelling and great that I’m not sure many of us would actually want the ‘problem’ that prompted the running off to begin with. So, the rest of us find a smaller reset where we can. For this purpose, let’s call it a re-charge. Sometimes it’s in a daily walk, sometimes in a bubble bath. Sometimes we find our re-charge button in conversations with friends or family. And sometimes, we find it in a good book. All of these are excellent re-charge buttons. They serve a purpose of slowing us down and allowing us room to breathe, reflect and make different choices. They are usually deliberate in action (i.e. I am going to take a bubble bath), and they usually involve an element of planning. Now, what happens if we find a reset button we weren’t actively searching for or making deliberate decisions about? Then what?

This happened to me recently. I found a reset button that was dormant, hidden, and denied for a very long time. I think I found it easier to live not knowing it was there, than it would have been had I known all along how important it was in my life. How important it was to my inner happiness and peace. And then, while walking over cobblestones in a foreign land, I tripped and hit “reset.” Quite literally, I fell into my reset button, unknowingly and serendipitously. And the process began.

The reboot was initially slow in coming. I knew I felt something stirring in my soul. I knew the feeling was familiar, but distant. I knew I had been here before. I had questions, fears, concerns and worries – but tempering all of that, I had abundant joy and dancing in my heart. I felt pure bliss. And I never want to be without that feeling again.

On this path of mine, I have certainly found inner peace and joy. I know what it is to be grounded and flowing in tune with the Universe around me. But I had forgotten this last piece: I forgot what it felt like to be truly alive, present and experiencing the world around me from a human visceral perspective. I was truly in touch with my inner Divinity prior to this, and I thought that was enough. In fact, I was convinced it was more than enough, and I was prepared to live the rest of my life quite contentedly in that knowing. But the Universe had other things in store for me. They wanted to give me more joy, more love and more laughter. And being the stubborn mule I sometimes am, I didn’t allow them to show me these last few pieces of the puzzle. Instead, I plodded along, quite content in my path, and deliberately ignorant that there was still more. And then it happened.

I fell into a marble womb and allowed my body to be cared for by another human being – another soul. And I came alive. All of my physical senses were stimulated that evening. Sight, sound, touch, smell and taste. They were all experiencing something new. And when I emerged from this ritual – it truly was like being re-born. But this time, I was born with the knowledge of who I truly am, without forgetting it. I found a reset button.

Without searching for it, I stumbled into a new life. It’s a life where everything has a pulse, a scent, and a sound. It’s vibrant, alive, breathing and radiating into my very soul. It’s the essence of who I am, where I’ve come from, and everything in between. It’s the sum total of all my experiences, knowledge and emotions. And it’s simply, me.

So – whether you’re searching for a pause or a reset button, I invite you to take a few steps on uneven ground, and see what you stumble upon. Perhaps you’ll find something you’ve always known, or perhaps you’ll find something more. Either way, the walk is worth the trip.

In Love and Light,

Martina

Remaking the Past

I recently had the privilege of seeing the basilica at San Marco’s Square in Venice, and I was struck by a similarity that has been present throughout the centuries. Mainly, how we have a history of replacing the “old” with something more current.

In the basilica, the original Byzantine mosaics were replaced during the Renaissance with something more appealing to the times. Tastes had changed, artistry had evolved, and so it seemed natural to take down the old, and put something else in its place. We’ve done this for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. We do it with houses, cars, clothing, art, technology – it always seems that if there’s something “better,” we need it. But why?

In the case of technology, I understand the importance of keeping up with new inventions. After all, you couldn’t use a rotary telephone anymore, even if you wanted to. But when it comes to bigger things like houses and public spaces, I’ve always preferred to keep our history alive by retrofitting our lives to the past, rather than tearing it down and replacing it. As an example, I grew up in a town that was older than the Revolutionary War. I saw houses that pre-dated our country’s Independence, in which families were still living. They adapted their needs to maintain the original structure. As I grew older, I saw beautiful old homes torn down and replaced with McMansions, in order to meet the “needs” of a modern family. I don’t necessarily have a problem with this. My “problem” is more with the use of the word “needs.”

Somewhere in our DNA, it seems, we have a desire to improve ourselves. However, it doesn’t seem to be accompanied any longer by an understanding of patience and moderation. Furthermore, this desire seems to be coupled with a competitive nature that is always seeking validation externally, rather than internally. We have, in essence, lost sight of our Essence. We seem to no longer be able to self-soothe, and we look for comfort and security in objects and others. This is why things have become so transient. This is why there is less and less permanence in our society, and at the same time why we have a longing to see remnants of our past, and admire them and learn from them. If not, why would tourism to historical sites be such a huge industry?

It seems to me that we have a history of remaking our past. We have evidence of societies building on top of one another in the same places for centuries. Slowly, we have evolved into a society that justifies its consumption by the improper use of the word “need.” And yet, somehow, we rarely feel full. I’ve seen it time and again – a person searching outside him/herself for something which is lacking inside. They will never meet this need through external solutions. An addict (whether it be alcohol, gambling, drugs or any other substance) will eventually never be able to consume enough of their preferred substance, and they will either a) have to seek help and abstain, or b) die. Similarly, a person seeking validation in another person’s love, will ultimately have to keep moving on to more and more people, because they looked outwardly rather than in a mirror.

At this point in time, we are coming to a crescendo and beginning to feel the effects of too much consumption. I think you will agree with me that more and more people are looking for a simpler way to live. More and more individuals are in search of inner peace and happiness. The tide is shifting, and it will be up to you whether you choose to swim with it, or swim against it. Would you choose to stay in your home, make do with what you have and adapt your lifestyle/behaviors to your world? Or would you choose to endlessly seek external validation in your life, always searching for that next thing that might bring you happiness?

It’s a question of whether or not you look at a Byzantine mosaic and feel it’s not “good enough,” or look at a Byzantine mosaic and admire and accept it for its own qualities. Something new isn’t better or worse, it’s just different. And that’s ok, provided we also remember and honor the past and learn to work with what we already have, dovetailing in the ‘new’ rather than replacing the ‘old.’

In Love and Light,

Martina

Companions and Playmates

Confidence is a companion to good health, while arrogance is a playmate of the ego.

I recently had the opportunity to witness true unabashed arrogance firsthand. It was quite a reminder of the difference between the two qualities. I’m sorry to say it was in an Emergency Room, and was displayed by a young doctor. He did nothing but help endorse the 80’s stereotype of the arrogant doctor overseeing things, while the nurses and assistants were doing all the work. It was very sad, mostly because I know many very hard working physicians, who give over their lives to helping others. I was bummed.

Yet, this unfortunate occasion provided me with an opportunity to learn. I was able to truly see a difference between humility and grace (confidence) and self-centeredness (arrogance). At the time, it was almost as if I was seeing things through a magnifying glass, in slow motion. My hopeful personality was observing in a state of shock, yet I knew what I was witnessing could be turned from something ugly into something positive. And here it is: a reminder of the joy of being in the presence of true confidence, a confidence that is earned through hard work, trust, and humility. We’ve all seen it. When we meet someone who has that inner quality, we are drawn to him or her like a bug to the light. They exude it – quietly. It’s a gift to be around them. We want to learn from them. We hope that they will notice us, validate us.

This is why confidence is part of good health; because knowledge expressed through grace and humility is a cornerstone of wellness. They inspire others to dream. They empower others to achieve. They allow others to grow… to be who they are. Confidence creates an infinite cycle of development, whereas arrogance simply drowns out everything around it. It’s suffocating to be around, disheartening, and quite frankly, not fun. This young doctor will eventually learn a different way of interacting. I know he thought he was being funny, but his words were harsh, not humorous. Yet another example of the difference between the two.

So, my wish is that we all aspire to quiet confidence, to lead by example. It doesn’t matter where we create confidence in our lives; the goal is to do so humbly and gracefully. Ultimately, this will inspire others, and we will begin to create a world in which mutual support and respect are more important than self-gain and recognition.

In Love and Light,

Martina

Black & White

So, one of my favorite cookies in the world are called ‘black and whites.’ I grew up with them in the NYC area, though I am not sure where they originated.

Whole Foods carries a mini-version of them, which is delicious, though not exactly the same as you would get in a NY bakery. Half cookie, half cake, coated with dark chocolate and vanilla/lemon glaze – they’re incredible. But I digress...

This week, the “black and white” I refer to is the printed word. As I sit here among billions, perhaps trillions, of printed words (I’m in a bookstore), I am thinking about the freedom with which we use words to create feelings, actions or situations. It’s quite a responsibility. One wrong word can cause chaos, just as a few beautifully placed words can create unparalleled joy. The bottom line is words have power beyond their significance.

So, I was intrigued recently while reading a travel guide to discover the use of the word “earthed” instead of “grounded.” I guess they mean the same thing, though ‘grounded’ is vastly more familiar – especially in the healing arena. But what about “earthed?” Well, in this context it was referring to electrical appliances and plugs. The guidebook said, “for appliances that need to be earthed.” Perhaps this is common usage of the word in other countries, but it was a first for me. And it won’t be a last. I LOVE this word. It’s rare, unique and incredibly descriptive.

In exploring the possible difference between the two words, it’s important to first understand what it means to be grounded in the energetic/spiritual sense. The most common form of “grounding” is with the earth. We are organic matter, the earth is organic matter, and we are both made up of energy. Therefore, to connect with the earth is to “ground” yourself with her and her energy. We do this through meditation and chakra visualization exercises – specifically the first, also known as the “root chakra.” By energetically connecting with the Earth, we center ourselves, create balance, wellness and strength, to where we truly feel connected with something greater than ourselves, deeply and solidly.

To be grounded means to connect with that of which you are a part. Yet it also somehow maintains a distinct separation between the two identities. Perhaps this is because we also refer to the surface of the earth as the “ground.” It creates a visual of standing upon – still two separate entities. In contrast, if you are earthed, it almost feels as though you become one with the earth. As if the earth were to swallow you up, surround you completely, cradle you in her soil and provide peace, strength and protection to your person. To be earthed gives me a sense of becoming wholly part of her as one life force. I am no longer standing on soil; I am soil. It simply feels different.

This is why I like the use of the word “earthed.” It is so much more descriptive for me. If someone were to say to me, “I am grounded,” I would be pleased for him or her. If, instead, I were to hear, “I am earthed,” I would take note, because the sensation I experience when a visual image pops into my mind in association with that statement is far more detailed, weighted and complete than that which appears when I hear the first statement. I may be unique in this, but I wager that given the opportunity, many others would share in my experience.

Which brings me back into the bookstore. Here, I feel grounded – not earthed. Is there a distinction? I think there is. Though both may be used interchangeably, as so many other words are also used, I will choose when to use each, deliberately and with clarity of intention. Once more we return to the issue of the power of words. And I ask you this: Is their power inherent in their definitions and our linguistic connotations? Or could it be that their power lies in our intentions and conscious choice in using them? What do you think? Spend a day listening to what people are saying to you, then spend another day listening to yourself as you speak to others. You decide where the power lies.

In Love and Light,

Martina

Thoughts from Deepak

This weekend I was incredibly fortunate to attend Deepak Chopra's presentation at the Celebrate Your Life conference in Chicago. When I went I had no idea I was going to be seeing him - because I went there to work. As a member/practitioner of the Infinity Foundation, I volunteered to work at the booth for the day - which resulted in one of the most surprising and fun days I've had in a while.

To begin with, I ran into very dear friends, who I had no expectation of seeing. We chatted, laughed and hugged - and my heart was overflowing with joy and light. Then I was able to "pop" in to the last few minutes of Gregg Braden's talk (inspiring!) and listen to my dear friend, Shawn, perform his beautiful song "I choose love." Immediately after, I met Gregg with Shawn and Gregg signed his book, "The God Code," for me. None of this was planned when I decided to volunteer my time. It is true that those who give receive much more in return. Finally, I learned that we were invited to listen to the keynote speaker, Deepak Chopra, as exhibitors at the conference. What an amazing gift! To follow are just some of the tidbits, quotations and inspiring words I was able to gather during his presentation. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. He was truly inspirational. He is funny, incredibly intelligent and compassionate. He is dedicating the rest of his life (and his personal resources) to the frontier of science: the Technologies of Consciousness. Truly amazing. Enjoy.

"Different states of consciousness create different biology." Meaning: our thoughts and emotions actually create physical changes in our bodies.

"The body itself as a structure is a hallucination.... The body is a process." Meaning: since the body is always in a state of generation and regeneration, it is more like a river with flow, than a solid state of being. Therefore, when we see our body as a solid structure-it is a hallucination. When we accept it as a process, we open up our world to the myriad possibilities of change.

"Everything exists, all at once, as a possibility." Meaning: our Universe, and our selves as a microcosm of the Universe, have infinite potential.

"When you change the way you look at things: the things you look at will change." (Max Planck - Quantum Physicist) Why? "Because there are no 'things' there are only possibilities." Meaning: everything is comprised of energy, which is always in a state of movement and process; therefore, nothing is the same as it is when you look at it for a 2nd time. Everything is in a state of potential. Everything is possible.

Now, there has been actual scientific research on happiness. As a result, these scientists have created a Happiness Formula. Deepak shared all of this incredible information and statistics with us, as follows: The formula: H=S+C+V; where H is Happiness, and:

S is a Set point in the brain that is fixed within the first 3 years of life, by mirroring our parents. i.e. If your parents are unhappy or negative, you will be unhappy and negative; you will have learned how to view your experiences in life through this filter. S=50% of the formula; however, the good news is you can change your set point two ways: 1) contemplative meditation (focusing on compassion, loving kindness, and the joy of others) or 2) cognitive therapy (question limiting beliefs)

C is Conditions of living. Are you rich or poor? Yes, it matters. There are far fewer happy poor people than happy rich people. However, the focus is mostly on financial well-being. If you don't have financial well-being, you will be an unhappy person; C=10% of the formula.

V is Voluntary choices. There are two categories on how people choose to spend their time/life/money: 1) personal pleasure, such as sex, shopping, food, etc. Personal pleasure brings transient happiness. Or 2) the expression of creativity, and desire to make other people happy, which brings lasting happiness. V=40% of the formula.

So - if we can change our Set point, modify our Voluntary choices, and improve our Conditions of living - everyone should be happy. Right? No. Because there is another layer: existential unhappiness. This is a human-specific element of happiness, and it is comprised primarily of worry - worry about our future or past; about death; about money or illness; about becoming unhappy once again.

The solution to existential unhappiness? Finding out who you are: Enlightenment.

There is a great story here - about a dog and a man. A man kicks a dog, and the dog gets angry. They don't see each other again for 10 years. 10 years later, the dog remembers the man's cruelty and wants to bite him. The difference is that the dog didn't spend the 10 years in between dwelling on the man, and worrying about when he would see him again. Think about that.

And by the way: thoughts, emotions and feelings are contagious. If you have a happy friend, your happiness goes up 15%; if they have a happy friend, it goes up another 15%, even if you don't know their friend. And so on.

There was so much more to share with you - but this is the primary focus of what I heard. Happiness is a choice and it is within our control. If you are unhappy, you have the tools, power and possibility to make changes that result in happiness. This is a powerful statement. And it's all based on actual research and scientific study. The quotes and their meanings I've shared before the Happiness Formula simply reinforce these truths.

So - are you happy? What one thing can you do today to start heading in a different direction, if you're not? And if you are, do you still have existential unhappiness (worry, fear, etc.)? What can you do to change that?

In Love and
Light,
Martina

(P.S. Don't forget to vote in my new poll. Vote on what topics you'd like me to write about in the future. Polling is open through July 31st. Thanks!)