Soul Mates

Years ago – ok, 13 years ago – I was talking with a friend of my mom’s who was guiding me on some ‘life’ questions I had, and during the conversation, I said, “I want to meet my soul mate.” Her wry response? “Are you sure?” “Yes – why wouldn’t I be?!?”

Here’s what I thought: I thought that you meet your soul mate, you get married, and you live happily ever after. And I guess, in looking at the BIG picture that’s totally true. But in the day-to-day of it all, well, it sometimes feels like a cruel joke. Why? Because our true soul mates are the people who are meant to bring us our greatest lessons. Which means they bring us our biggest challenges and force us to look in the mirror at who we are, where we are and how we are. They reflect back to us all our immeasurable beauty, as well as all of our greatest defects.

It goes on. Each soul usually has more than one soul mate. It all depends on where you are in your life when you meet the one that crosses your path whether you’re ready to face the litany of lessons you agreed to bring to each other. This, of course, does not mean that it gets easier with another soul mate if you choose to leave the one you’re with – in fact, quite the reverse. It compounds the lessons you have chosen to learn in this lifetime. Hence my support for the idea: “work, don’t walk.” But I digress.

For me, I know I have married one of my soul mates in this lifetime. He has brought me more opportunities for growth, understanding and love than I ever expected, or believed I could handle. It has not been easy, but I asked for it. I clearly stated to the Universe that I was ready, and to bring it on! And boy did they ever! And I’ve never been more grateful. Despite the challenges and lessons, I am now able to look at the bigger picture and see the absolute perfection of being with my soul mate. It has allowed me to become who I am. The conscious awareness of that statement is not lost on me. It’s profound. Because I took the step to be with my soul mate, and not run away when things got tough, I have given myself the opportunity to return to my natural state of being: which is love.

Now you might be saying, ‘That’s nice, Martina, but what does all this mean for me?’ Here’s my thought on that: I’ve spoken with tons of people over the years who are searching for happiness in another person. They have said, “I want to find my soul mate,” because they feel certain that their soul mate will complete them and bring them happiness. In many respects, that’s true. But not without doing the work themselves. Our soul mate doesn’t complete us by being half of a whole. Our soul mate completes us by creating opportunities for us to become whole ourselves.

Unfortunately, all too often we find the work to be too difficult, painful or otherwise challenging, and so we walk away. We say, “it wasn’t meant to be.” But that’s just it – it WAS meant to be. It was meant to be, because it was an opportunity for you to return to your natural state of being. It was an opportunity to find that happiness and wholeness inside yourself and not in another person. Our soul mates simply help us get back to the work. They remind us to get back on the path in order to find that joy in who we are. But when we’re hurting it’s not always easy to see it that way – and we often project our fears and pain onto the one person who is actually there to help us the most.

So, what happens when you run into another soul mate during this lifetime while you’re still with one? Nothing. Nothing has to happen, because there are always agreements in place to honor one another’s path. Besides, who says a relationship with a soul mate needs to be romantic? It’s the relationship that matters. Why can’t it be siblings or a friendship? A friendship still allows for the great discoveries and growth to occur, albeit in a different capacity than we usually think about when referring to ‘soul mates.’ Moreover, the fact that you may have, and meet, more than one soul mate in a lifetime does not diminish any current relationship. It’s just about looking at things in the big picture, in order to understand the smaller things a little bit better.

Now when someone says to me, “I’m ready to find my soul mate,” I pause, smile and say, “I’m so happy for you," -- because everything changes from here.

In Love and Light,

Martina

Happy Anniversary

This week, I get a little more personal....I hope you enjoy this new voice.

11 years ago last night, I got married. I had just turned 27, and I thought I knew everything. Well, if not "everything" I certainly thought I knew a lot. With my parents, relatives, and friends' parents as models, marriage seemed like an answer to all my prayers: Life with my soulmate. Yay! What could be better?!?

Turns out, a lot. A lot could be better, and a lot could be worse. When I made the commitment to marry, I made it blindly; and I think we have to in some respects. Marriage is one of the only (if not THE only) partnerships in which there is no definition within the contract. No assigning of roles and responsibilities, prior to signing the bottom line. Marriage is a commitment made in faith. Pure and simple. It is made with a belief in hope, faith and love. Not many people tell you how much work it is. Perhaps if they did there would be fewer marriages -- then again, perhaps there would be less divorce, too.

In looking back on eleven years since making that commitment before friends, family and God...I feel confident enough to finally say that I knew nothing, and what I know today, more than anything is that marriage takes a commitment to several things. First and foremost, however, it takes commitment to yourself. Something I had never actively considered before. But now I have learned that without that commitment to myself, I couldn't possibly begin to understand what it means to commit to someone else. Nor could I grasp the depth and breadth of work it would take to unite two independent and individual souls, with different yet similar goals.

And yet, knowing what I know now - I wouldn't change a thing. My marriage, my relationship with my soulmate, has brought me more opportunities to know myself and learn about myself than I think I ever would have had otherwise. It is one thing to stand naked in front of yourself. It's quite another to stand naked and see yourself through someone else's eyes. All the beauty and flaws become more apparent. All the defects and tresured gifts become clearer. By allowing myself to be known by someone else, to be raw and vulnerable, I have given myself the greatest gift imaginable: the gift of understanding and knowing who I am.

So, 11 years later, I find that my marriage is measurable in so many ways, but perhaps the greatest is in my relationship with myself. At 27, I knew only what it meant to commit to someone else - and even that was romanticized to some extent. At 38, I know what it means to quietly, peacefully, and humbly commit to myself. Would I have learned this without getting married? Perhaps. But why look back in wonder, when I can look at the present with gratitude.

Therefore, I say: Happy Anniversary.....to me!!

With Love and Light,

Martina