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In love & light,
Martina

Tomatoes and roses

Tonight I had a very interesting conversation with a client. We raised the question of love. Is it enough to be lovable, in order to be loved? There is a quote from Louise Hay that suggests just that. Certainly it's an ingredient, but is it everything....

In the end our discussion came down to a combination of being willing to allow for the possibility and potential for love (faith-driven life) and a sense of empowerment to create an environment in which love can grow and thrive (action-driven life). This is what is most important....this merging of God's will and our own will. God has not asked us to have such profound faith in Him that we sit back and do nothing waiting for Him to provide. He has asked us to be participants in our lives and to have faith in Him for the miracles and extras. It's as if God has said, "Go, tend your garden. Prepare the soil. Clear the weeds. Create the fences to protect the young growth, and set up a system of watering and maintenance -- and I will help by providing the seeds, and the sunlight." If we don't first prepare the ground, clear the space (and designate the space), there is no room for growth, love and life. There is no room for the miracles.

In the garden of our lives, whether it's love, career, family or anything else for which we are asking God to help, it's up to us to prepare the way for the miracles. Sometimes we create our garden and a lot of time passes before we see the first signs of growth and life. It's in this interlude that we must have faith. Faith in knowing that there is a Divine timing of things, and that sometimes the growth is occurring out of sight, underground. This is what God has asked of us....to prepare, do our best, and have faith. If we do this, we will be blessed. We may not know if God is giving us roses or tomatoes, but we know that he will give us exactly what we need.

Remembering to Be.

In the wake of the Royal Wedding, I find myself most drawn to the Bishop of London's speech, and specifically the quote from St. Catherine of Siena:

“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.”

How often do we go through life attempting to be what we think we are supposed to be, but not who we are inside? I know I am guilty of doing this. I have spent many years of my life trying to figure out what others wanted from me, and how to go about fulfilling their needs. I don't think I'm alone. We live in a society in which we are told what is sexy, desirable, good, bad, ugly, worthy, strong, weak, and on and on. I use the word "told" quite deliberately, because I think it's more than just being taught. There is a second-level dialogue going on that is telling us these things, in addition to the surface dialogue we see everyday in advertisements, etc. I say that because the second-level dialogue is within our own minds. We are being told these things by ourselves.

Think about that for a minute.

When we see a picture of a happy beautiful woman, who is thin, has long wavy hair, perfect make-up, is carrying luxury merchandise, and is adored by handsome men -- what is the dialogue we are creating in our own minds? That image goes well beyond teaching us that in order to "have" these things and be happy (the luxury and the men), we need to meet this physical criteria. It goes beyond because we internalize what we've seen into a value system in our own life and mind.

So - how do we change this second-level dialogue? How do we adjust our value-meter to come into accordance with WHO we are and who God meant us to be? I wish I could wave a magic wand and that would be enough - and in a way, it is. However, each of us has our own magic wand and no wand can be used for another person. That's the tricky part. We each have to learn to hear that internal dialogue, and gauge for ourselves whether it has a place in our own life. If it does, then fine. If it doesn't, then it's time to replace it. It's not enough to let go of it - it has to be replaced. And we replace things through deliberate action. I won't say this is "easy" to do - but it's not impossible. The most important thing is to ask the question and become aware. From there, it gets easier.

That brings me back to St. Catherine -- we all have a role to play in this life. God (or the Universe, whatever you're comfortable with) knows this role, and patiently waits for us to remember it. We are given many opportunities to remember who we are throughout our lifetime. When we do, life seems to be filled with joy, love and hope. When we stray, we face our challenges and lessons (opportunities). The reason for this is to help us remember. The struggles are the opportunities. When we overcome our obstacles, we reinforce that memory of who we are. So that one day we will no longer need to remember -- we will simply, be.

A river of Love

Ok - Here we go. I have been working on setting up the blog as its own site - we're almost there, but not yet. So, in the meantime... I thought it best to keep going here (in light of the near 2-month absence....so sorry.) But, now I'm back. So, let's get inspired together!!

As I was driving today, I had a thought. (Big surprise, I know.) Basically, I've been told by countless teachers, gurus, friends, healers, etc. to "go with the flow." Life is so much harder if you try to go against the flow of your river. I've even written about it myself. It's true. When we allow life to happen, rather than fighting the current, life is much much easier. We are in the flow, and the Universe works with us. But here's the thought I had: what if we are in the wrong river? Ok, I know I'm bucking the trend by saying that, but really - let's think about it.

It's not necessarily the "wrong" river, because I accept that we're never out of our proper place to learn and be; but for just one moment, let's entertain the idea that we have free will and choice in this lifetime, as well as the power to stand up, step out of the river, and go find another one. One that's more suited to who we are and how we're meant to live. What if that's possible?

I think when I was driving I realized for myself that no matter how much I go with the flow, and allow myself to move with the current, I simply felt like it wasn't right. I felt like I was resigning myself to the waters around me, knowing that they were going too fast, or were too cold, or even too still. So, rather than lying back and floating downstream, I asked myself: "what if there is another river?" Could it be that simple? I mean, I've studied, practiced, learned, discussed.... I've read countless books and articles on happiness, inspiration and spirituality. I've practiced the mantra: "Let go and let God" until I couldn't say anything else. But there's a part of me that still questioned the flow. It still didn't "feel" right. Not for me. So, what if it's just the wrong river? I can't imagine that God wants us all to lie back and float with whatever current we're in, hoping and praying that He will simply take care of everything. I mean, I know He will if we ask and need Him to; but why would He give us free will, if He didn't also intend for us to use it, thereby working with Him?

I think there's an empowerment piece missing here. It's just my opinion, but what if it were possible for us to choose the river we are in? I'm not naive enough to think that there are rivers without rapids and eddies and rocks; but I do believe that we have the power to choose which river we want to be in. And I do believe that God (Spirit, the Universe, etc.) will help us no matter where we are, if we ask; however, I'm starting to also think that a little bit of empowerment, in the form of self-love, is what God intended for us to learn and share. What do I mean by that? Well, I've come to realize that one of the greatest gifts we can give someone else is to support, love and empower them to be who they are. So, if that's the greatest gift we can give someone else, it stands to reason that it's also the greatest gift we can give ourself.

To love, support and empower who we are ourselves needs two things: honesty and communication. It means looking in the mirror and actually being truthful about how we feel inside and comparing that with how we behave outside -- then communicating that in a loving and thoughtful way with ourself. Does this make sense to you? It recently hit me like a ton of bricks, though I have to admit I'm still sorting through a bit of the rubble as I piece it all back together. What I know is this:

The most important thing we can do, for ourselves and others, is to love ourselves, unconditionally. To truly do this, we need to accept ourselves, flaws and all, and make decisions based on who we are, not who others might want us to be. This acceptance comes from honesty and communication. It's the greatest gift we can teach our children: self-love. And from there, we can love others unconditionally. It becomes effortless. Why? Because when we are true to who we are, we end up being surrounded by people who support us and love us. There are no agendas, no games, just love, respect and support. Of course, in some relationships, usually the romantic ones, more issues come up than with just friendships, because it's a balancing act. But that doesn't mean that we have to lose ourselves. It means that because we love the other person, we're willing to learn, grow, and become more flexible, out of a desire to experience a deeper love. A love that carries with it a freedom, unknowable in any other way. And that, well - that is when we are living God's will for us: To live in Love. And the first step, the key that unlocks the door to all of this, is self-love.

So this brings me back to my original thought: If I'm in a river that doesn't "feel" right for me, and I've spent countless hours, days and weeks practicing 'letting go' only to find that I still don't feel good about where I am -- do I love myself enough to actually take a look at the river and make a change - or at the very least explore whether that possibility exists? What do you think?

New YOU Resolutions

Every year we all sit down and make New Year’s Resolutions – but how many of us actually keep them? Furthermore, how many of us achieve our goals, and feel good about ourselves throughout the process? I have thought for a long time that “New Year’s Resolutions” are failures waiting to happen. Why? Because we use the momentum (and often the guilt) of the holidays to make our decisions on what we would like to change in our lives or about ourselves. It’s not realistic to set goals and expectations from a space that is already heightened. It simply isn’t.

So, this year, I’ve come up with a new approach to the New Year’s Resolution issue. Instead of ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ how about New YOU Resolutions? If you think about it, it makes more sense. Why would you limit good changes to a year only? Why would you use the start of a new year to dictate and guide the changes you wish to make? It simply doesn’t make sense. So, here’s how it works:

To begin with, set aside some time for yourself this week. In other words, make a date with yourself. Do something fun: a movie, coffee, a good book – whatever will take you out of “holiday” mode and into “me” mode. Make that date, and keep it. It can be an hour or more, but give yourself a minimum of an hour. We’ll use the hour-long date as the example. In that hour, plan to spend 45 minutes relaxing or doing the enjoyable task you’ve chosen, setting aside 15 minutes at the end for the New YOU Resolutions. Now, what do you do in those 15 minutes?

To begin with – you always start with gratitude. Thank yourself for the lessons, experiences and growth you’ve done this year. Acknowledge the hard work and the changes you’ve already made from last year at this same time. Then reflect on the joyous times you’ve had, both as a result of these changes, and that occurred naturally. (It’s always good to make a point of remembering joy.) Once you’ve experienced gratitude and joy, it’s time to reflect on those things that would continue to bring you joy and gratitude in your life. This is why we focus on them first. It gives you an idea of where you’re coming from, and where you can use existing momentum to continue. This is key. Why? Because it’s coming from a space of positive affirmation, rather than negative criticism. It’s the difference between saying, “I’m fat, and want to lose weight,” and saying, “I don’t feel my best, and know I could feel better – I’d like to make healthier decisions.” Both may contain the goal of “losing weight,” but one is positive and the other is negative. The energy they carry is different.

And that’s the main difference between New Year’s Resolutions and New YOU Resolutions. The former is usually created from a space of shame, guilt or negative self-perception. Whereas the latter is created from self-love and a desire to be the best version of yourself you can be, with joy and gratitude.

So, once you’ve gotten a short (it must be short) list of where you’d like to go, i.e. the things that will continue to bring joy and gratitude into your life, you can then set reasonable goals to get there. An example is: I would like to be healthier, with the goal being: I will eat fruit in the morning when I first wake up. This will allow my body to feel better, have some instant fuel, and the fruit will be more easily digested, since it is eaten on an empty stomach. Plus, I’ll be getting vitamins and nutrients the old-fashioned way, not from a pill.

This is a simple change. I’ve done it myself, and I feel much better. More importantly, it’s a reasonable goal. It’s realistic, attainable and thoughtful. So, what New YOU Resolutions can you create this week?

p.s. Write them down; a goal always becomes more achievable when it’s given the attention of simply writing it down.

Breathe.

Do you breathe? That is to say, do you breathe properly? Of course we all breathe, but most of us don’t breathe properly. I’ve noticed this in myself whenever I get a little more stressed. It’s actually become one of my barometers for how stressful a situation is. Because I tend to have an unusually high tolerance for crises and stress, I’ve learned to notice my stress levels in physical ways: if my jaw is clenched, for example, or my shoulders raised. But one of the best gauges I have to monitor (and diffuse) my stress level is the quality of my breath.

Especially with the holidays now in full swing, and stress levels on the increase, this might be a good tool for you, too. But first you need to know what is proper breathing. For that, let’s look at our four-legged friends: dogs and cats. I have a dog, so I will use him as an example. When I watch him breathe, it has a calming affect on me. Why? Because he’s breathing naturally. He’s not “sucking it in” or sticking out his chest. He’s simply breathing. As such, his abdomen extends and contracts with each breath. This is proper (healthy) breathing. Kids are good examples, too. If you watch a young child, they breathe the same way. Their bellies raise and fall with each breath.

But as adults, we’ve somehow learned to breathe with our shoulders and our chests. Therefore, we’re not getting the full (and calming) breath we need. Shortened breath actually triggers the fight/flight response, too. So, it’s no wonder we feel stressed a lot of the time. Therefore, one of the best ways to combat stress, or measure how stressed you might be, is to monitor your breath. Take note of your breathing patterns. Does your belly extend? Or are you primarily lifting your chest and/or shoulders? When I teach clients how to breathe, I have them imagine the breath pulling all the way down their torso to the pelvic area. This may be a tiny bit extreme, but it’s a good visual. If you can “see” the air flowing that far down, you are breathing well – deeply and properly. And you will feel better as a result.

So, how are you breathing? Even right now, as you read this? It’s not something we think about, but it’s something that can actually change your entire body and presence in the world, not to mention how you experience these last few weeks of the year.

Blessings.

“When I’m worried and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep; and I fall asleep counting my blessings.”

This is one of my favorite songs from a holiday movie. It’s a duet between Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney from ‘White Christmas,’ and besides being very pretty to listen to – it conveys the simplest message, but one that I can hear over and over again. It’s one of the best reminders: we are all blessed in so many ways that we often overlook. Yet, if we pause, and actually count our blessings, I think we will remember just how lucky we are.

Tonight as I sit here and write this, I am brimming with blessings. There are many who would look at me from the outside and question why I feel so joyful, as I certainly have many challenges going on in my life right now, but the bottom line is: I am blessed. I know this. I know this, because I consciously spend time every day counting my blessings. This is a choice. I could choose to make a list of everything going wrong, or everything that needs to be fixed, or everything that I would like to change. OR I could choose to take note of the gratitude I feel for my life, my family, my friends and so many other things. What I have found is that by focusing on the latter – the things that ‘need to be changed’ are happening automatically. Again, another blessing.

So, I know I’ve mentioned it in the past – but I’m living proof of what can happen when we CHOOSE where to focus our attention. The old saying: you reap what you sow, is valid more now than ever. And when I turn out the lights tonight, and climb into bed – I know exactly what I am going to do. I’ll be hearing Bing and Rosemary singing in my head, as I count out my blessings and fall asleep with a grateful and joy-filled heart. I wish the same for you.