Passion Play

‘Tis the season. Yes, it’s that time of year where things shine a little brighter, and emotions run a little higher. Both good and bad. We’re just coming off the Thanksgiving holiday, which was hopefully a time for pause and reflection. But what about the other 364 days of the year? Why do we limit gratitude to one day only? What would happen if we started off each day focused on the things that bring us joy?

I’ve recently rediscovered one of my passions in life: music. I can’t tell you how much this remembering has changed my very core. I am happier, significantly happier. If I feel stressed, down, tired, upset or emotional – I put on music. I sing and dance around my house, and I remember the pure joy of doing something with passion. And I feel grateful. I’ve learned that the two go hand in hand, actually. Gratitude is not a solemn emotion, to be expressed seriously and with quiet meditation. Gratitude is joy-full! When we feel gratitude, we tend to feel happier. It simply makes sense. And the key to unlocking a perpetual stream of joy and gratitude in your life is reclaiming your passion.

It doesn’t matter what your passion is. Personally, I believe we all have many. What matters is that you remember one. Just one, and then you run with it. You incorporate it into your life in little ways, and you simply enjoy the pleasure of it. I think what you’ll find is that everything around you becomes a little easier, a little brighter and you will feel brighter, too, even during the “stress” of the holiday season. In fact, you might be able to ward off any stress if you make the decision to have a little dose of passion every day, starting now. For me, it’s music. It’s easy, and yet I had forgotten all about it. Now, all I have to do is pop in a CD, open my mouth, take a breath and sing! And voila – instant joy, which leads to pure gratitude. Ahhh. . . .

This week, as things start to pick up and get into full swing with family, parties, obligations, etc. take a moment to remind yourself what it means to feel joy and gratitude, and then know that one key that unlocks the door to those feelings is to experience your life with a daily dose of passion.

Fear and Gratitude

A favorite quote/mantra of mine: “Fear cannot live in a grateful heart.” Not sure where I first heard it or who said it – but it has been a guiding light in many a situation over the years. More recently, however, it has been a great tool that I have shared with clients, friends and family. And now I’d like to share it with you during this week in which we focus on giving thanks. Here’s how it works:

1) Think of something that causes you fear, anxiety or worry. Think of it, see it, and then FEEL it. Recognize that feeling within your body, physically. Sit with it for as long as you need, in order to commit it to memory - but not more than a minute, if you can last that long!

2) Now think of something for which you are grateful. Anything. The day, the weather, family, friends, a child, even your car or a new pair of shoes. Sit with this and truly feel the gratitude you have for whatever this is as it fills your body with love and joy. Allow that feeling to permeate every corner and every cell. Enjoy it. (you can sit with this one for as long as you want.)

Ok – now you know the two feelings and you have committed them to memory. Here comes the life-altering part: Whenever you have even the tiniest twinge of fear, like in the first part of the exercise, whether it shows up and registers as fear or not you now know what it is. You have a memory of it and a barometer, of sorts. When these feelings show up in your body, take a breath and switch into gratitude. Again, it can be gratitude for anything. Gratitude for the train being on time, or your coffee being delicious – or even having the money to buy a coffee. By switching from one emotion to the other, and consciously putting your attention onto your feelings, you are creating new habits and behaviors that will ultimately become automatic, and you will find that life becomes a little easier, smoother and more joy-filled.

The most challenging part of this exercise is recognizing the fear emotion, and then taking the pause (or breath) to consciously switch it. That’s why the first part of the exercise, though not pleasant, is important. You need to have the conscious memory of the physical feelings associated with these emotions in order to recognize and change them. As with all things, it takes practice, but it gets much easier the more you do it.

So, now this begs the question in this week of Thanksgiving: What makes you feel gratitude? Make a list. Keep it with you so you can call on it whenever you want. Add to it, change it, and see how different your life can be. For truly, when your heart is full of gratitude there is no room for fear.

With deepest gratitude for allowing me into your life…
In love and light,
Martina

Boundaries

Can you clearly describe or define your boundaries with others, right now, even as you read this? In our lives, there are so many different types of relationships that each have their own set of boundaries. The boundaries between a husband and wife differ from those between a mother and child – which in turn are different from boundaries between co-workers, or a customer and vendor. And what about boundaries between friends? Clearly we need to create and apply different boundaries with each relationship we enjoy.

For most of us, it’s easy to discern some specific boundaries, and we would assume others would also have the same well-defined “lines in the sand.” Obviously, we don’t lie, cheat, steal or otherwise endanger or hurt someone else. We also do our best not to yell or curse at anyone, if we can help it. Many boundaries are reflected in our laws, as I just mentioned. But there is a gray area – a no man’s land, if you will – of boundaries that somehow always seem to be flexing and bending, depending on the situation and the type of relationship. It’s in these areas that we need to focus.

Good boundaries are established by clear, open and honest communication. Where communication is lacking, you can bet boundaries are being breached. Unfortunately, it’s in these scenarios where feelings can get hurt, and emotions too easily become our compass. So, what happens when a boundary is crossed, unknowingly?

For starters, let’s ask this question: what do you do when someone crosses your boundaries? If someone yells at you unnecessarily and uses curse words or other pejorative language – do you say something? Do you yell back in anger? Do you walk away? Do you sit quietly and build resentment within? These are all choices you can make. But when a boundary is crossed, our typical first reaction is emotional. Why? Because it was a violation. It was a violation of our emotional, mental (and sometimes personal) space. Addressing a direct violation can be reflexive. However, the real challenge comes in when the other person violated your boundary unknowingly.

Think about it this way: If you draw a line in the sand and someone defiantly steps over it – they are blatantly, and consciously, crossing your boundary. However, if you never draw the line in the sand (or you hold an invisible line in your mind), isn’t it highly likely that someone will eventually cross into your space, causing you to react when the boundary is breached? Sometimes, it takes someone stepping in our space for us to realize that we actually have a boundary there that we hadn’t previously acknowledged or accepted. If that’s the case, it might be a good thing to be grateful to the other person, because they just gave you an opportunity to learn something about yourself that you didn’t know. And sometimes having someone step over the invisible line simply creates an opportunity to build a stronger relationship, infused with greater mutual respect for one another. Either way, gratitude is a good approach to take when your ill-defined boundary has been broken. Because, as much as we all like to point the finger at the other guy, we played a role in the violation, by not communicating our needs effectively enough.

This isn’t to say that we need to go through our lives drawing lines in the sand everywhere – that would be impossible, and quite unwelcoming. But it is to say that unintentional boundary violations can lead in one of two directions, which is always a choice: 1) they can cause you to run away, build walls, or otherwise react to the unexpected stimulus in a defensive (or aggressive) manner; or 2) they can create an opportunity for growth, understanding and communication. Which, in turn, can strengthen your relationship with others, but also with yourself. And isn't that the ultimate goal? Long-lasting, loving relationships with yourself and others?

So, the next time someone steps over the line, ask yourself first if you actually drew the line and communicated it to them. Then, be grateful. Because if they knew the line was there – then they just taught you something about themselves that you didn’t know, or you needed to be reminded of. And if they didn’t know the line was there, then they’ve given you an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and improve your communication skills. Either way, you will come out stronger, wiser, and more empowered to be yourself.

In Love and Light,

Martina

Manifesting and Reflecting

As the days are getting shorter, the year is coming to a close, and we are entering the holiday season with Thanksgiving next week – I feel it is time to prepare ourselves.

Typically, we look back after Christmas, and then in a hurried fashion we think about the year ahead. We make our New Year’s resolutions, and we reflect on what we did (or didn’t) accomplish these past 12 months. After 5-6 weeks of holiday feasts, parties and celebrations, it’s no doubt that the focus of our attention is usually on returning to a more moderate lifestyle – complete with diets and exercise. But what if we didn’t wait until the last minute to begin our reflections and, more importantly, our manifestations for the coming year?

By waiting until after the holiday hangover begins, our manifestations have a greater chance of coming from a place of excess or, perhaps even, punishment for how we’ve spent the last few weeks in celebration. They are reactionary. Whereas, if we begin our reflections now, and allow ourselves the time to truly focus on manifesting the coming year from a place of thoughtful consideration – think of the possibilities!

Thanksgiving is typically spent with our loved ones, pausing in gratitude, as we appreciate and share our blessings and the year we have just experienced. In that process, don’t forget that you are a “loved one” as well. Remember to pause with yourself, and reflect on the blessings you have created in your own life. This reflection will bring you to your focus for your manifestations. Through honoring yourself, you honor those around you. There is no greater gift.

Therefore, in preparation for the holidays, the coming year, and the great opportunities in your future, I invite you into a space of empowerment. “Resolutions” is just a reactive word for manifestation. More importantly, however, manifestation has an added connotation of being empowering. So – what do you desire in your life? How can you focus your attention on manifesting better health, relationships and serenity? By starting now, I can almost guarantee that your holidays will be more enjoyable. Why? Because you will be approaching them from a position of love: Love for others, for your future, and mostly, for yourself.

THree THings

Body – Think of the past year and what changes you have already made – then thank yourself. Once you’ve done that, think of new modifications you would like to consider, and why? Write them down this way: What if….

Mind – Time spent in reflection is valuable, if the reflection yields opportunities for growth. (If reflection is merely an occasion to shame yourself – then I would suggest you spend as little time as possible reflecting on the past.) Time spent looking forward is valuable, if it brings with it actionable steps for change. How are you spending your time?

Spirit – Your intuition will always lead you in the “right” direction. Right does not mean “not wrong” – instead, it means “loving.” Therefore, your intuition will always lead you toward greater love – for yourself, and, eventually, others. Can you hear your intuition? Do you know how to access it without ego and judgment? It’s always there, and it always loves you. Do you know that?

In love and light,

Martina